Monkey Law - latest additions

Monkey Law - latest additions http://monkeylaw.org The latest transcribed Monkey Law comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:09:56 -0000 60 Atropyhing http://monkeylaw.org/2007/02/28/atrophying/ http://monkeylaw.org/2007/02/28/atrophying/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 19:23:20 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/2007/02/28/atrophying/">Atropyhing</a> GIRL MONKEY: I should be looking for work, but here I am in front of the idiot box. GIRL MONKEY: An endless parade of judge shows, soap operas, and ads for personal-injury attorneys. GIRL MONKEY: I need to turn it off. GIRL MONKEY: I can feel my mind atropyhing. GIRL MONKEY: Every second I sit here, I get weaker. Atropyhing

GIRL MONKEY: I should be looking for work, but here I am in front of the idiot box.

GIRL MONKEY: An endless parade of judge shows, soap operas, and ads for personal-injury attorneys.
GIRL MONKEY: I need to turn it off.
GIRL MONKEY: I can feel my mind atropyhing.

GIRL MONKEY: Every second I sit here, I get weaker.]]> Monkey Law - Wednesday, January 17, 2007 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070117 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070117 Wed, 31 Jan 2007 01:43:55 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070117">Monkey Law - Wednesday, January 17, 2007</a> SNOW DAY! (Texas style) Monkey Law - Wednesday, January 17, 2007

SNOW DAY! (Texas style)]]> Monkey Law - Friday, January 5, 2007 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070105 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070105 Wed, 31 Jan 2007 01:43:53 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070105">Monkey Law - Friday, January 5, 2007</a> MONKEY ANGST: Well, it's official. The 110th Congress is in session, and the Democrats are in power for the first time in twelve years... MONKEY ANGST: I guess I'm optimistic... well, cautiously so, anyway... MONKEY ANGST: For over a decade, we've seen how low the Republicans can sink in pursuit of their agenda, from redrawing Congressional districts to impeachment... MONKEY ANGST: I hope the Democrats can learn from their counterexample and manage not to let the heady brew of victory go to their heads... MONKEY LOVE: Dude! Nancy Pelosi's performing an abortion on the house floor! MONKEY ANGST: And so it begins... Monkey Law - Friday, January 5, 2007

MONKEY ANGST: Well, it's official. The 110th Congress is in session, and the Democrats are in power for the first time in twelve years...
MONKEY ANGST: I guess I'm optimistic... well, cautiously so, anyway...

MONKEY ANGST: For over a decade, we've seen how low the Republicans can sink in pursuit of their agenda, from redrawing Congressional districts to impeachment...
MONKEY ANGST: I hope the Democrats can learn from their counterexample and manage not to let the heady brew of victory go to their heads...

MONKEY LOVE: Dude! Nancy Pelosi's performing an abortion on the house floor!
MONKEY ANGST: And so it begins...]]> Monkey Law - Friday, January 19, 2007 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070119 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070119 Tue, 30 Jan 2007 22:44:56 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070119">Monkey Law - Friday, January 19, 2007</a> MONKEY ANGST: Whatcha watching? MONKEY LOVE: "Pan's Labyrinth." MONKEY ANGST: That's out on DVD already?" MONKEY LOVE: Nah, it's a screener. I downloaded it. MONKEY ANGST: Isn't that, you know... illegal? MONKEY LOVE: So is smoking weed, but we do that all the time... MONKEY ANGST: There's a flaw in your logic somewhere, but I'll be damned if I feel like finding it. MONKEY LOVE (passing bong): Here. Hit this. Monkey Law - Friday, January 19, 2007

MONKEY ANGST: Whatcha watching?
MONKEY LOVE: "Pan's Labyrinth."
MONKEY ANGST: That's out on DVD already?"
MONKEY LOVE: Nah, it's a screener. I downloaded it.

MONKEY ANGST: Isn't that, you know... illegal?
MONKEY LOVE: So is smoking weed, but we do that all the time...

MONKEY ANGST: There's a flaw in your logic somewhere, but I'll be damned if I feel like finding it.
MONKEY LOVE (passing bong): Here. Hit this.]]> Monkey Law by Brad Hawkins - Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070122 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070122 Mon, 22 Jan 2007 20:42:02 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070122">Monkey Law by Brad Hawkins - Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday</a> BARACK OBAMA: Hello, my name's Barack Obama, and I'm running for... HILLARY CLINTON: Barack Hussein Obama! OBAMA: Uh, yes, thank you, Hillary. As I was saying, I'm running for President because... CLINTON: Barack HUSSEIN Obama! OBAMA: Because I feel that a new direction is needed in this... CLINTON: Barack CLINTON: Hussein CLINTON: Obama! OBAMA: Stop that! CLINTON: BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA! Monkey Law by Brad Hawkins - Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

BARACK OBAMA: Hello, my name's Barack Obama, and I'm running for...
HILLARY CLINTON: Barack Hussein Obama!

OBAMA: Uh, yes, thank you, Hillary. As I was saying, I'm running for President because...
CLINTON: Barack HUSSEIN Obama!

OBAMA: Because I feel that a new direction is needed in this...
CLINTON: Barack
CLINTON: Hussein
CLINTON: Obama!

OBAMA: Stop that!
CLINTON: BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!]]> Monkey Law - Monday, January 8, 2007 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070108 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070108 Sat, 13 Jan 2007 15:28:10 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070108">Monkey Law - Monday, January 8, 2007</a> GIRL MONKEY: Ooh, little chilly tonight! I can see my breath! MONKEY ANGST: You know what I like best about cold weather? MONKEY ANGST: Watching all the smokers passing out 'cause they don't know when to stop exhaling! GIRL MONKEY: Hey! That's a Bill Hicks joke! You stole that joke! MONKEY ANGST: Stole? what stole? it was a quote! I was quoting Bill Hicks! GIRL MONKEY: Quoting my ass. you didn't attribute it. there was no attribution. MONKEY ANGST: Attribution? what is this, a peer-reviewed journal? this is a casual conversation! MONKEY ANGST: Since when do you have to attribute quotes in casual conversation? GIRL MONKEY: You were just trying to pass it off as your own! MONKEY ANGST: I was not! GIRL MONKEY: Yes you were. You were hoping I wouldn't recognize it! MONKEY ANGST: Listen, I would never in a million years think you wouldn't know Bill Hicks. MONKEY ANGST: The fact is, you're cooler than me in every way, and I knew I could rely on that fact. I knew you'd know where the joke came from, so I didn't think it needed any attribution! GIRL MONKEY: Heh. GIRL MONKEY: Nice try. MONKEY ANGST (thinking): Man, I wish I'd thought up that joke... Monkey Law - Monday, January 8, 2007

GIRL MONKEY: Ooh, little chilly tonight! I can see my breath!
MONKEY ANGST: You know what I like best about cold weather?
MONKEY ANGST: Watching all the smokers passing out 'cause they don't know when to stop exhaling!
GIRL MONKEY: Hey! That's a Bill Hicks joke! You stole that joke!
MONKEY ANGST: Stole? what stole? it was a quote! I was quoting Bill Hicks!
GIRL MONKEY: Quoting my ass. you didn't attribute it. there was no attribution.
MONKEY ANGST: Attribution? what is this, a peer-reviewed journal? this is a casual conversation!
MONKEY ANGST: Since when do you have to attribute quotes in casual conversation?
GIRL MONKEY: You were just trying to pass it off as your own!
MONKEY ANGST: I was not!
GIRL MONKEY: Yes you were. You were hoping I wouldn't recognize it!
MONKEY ANGST: Listen, I would never in a million years think you wouldn't know Bill Hicks.
MONKEY ANGST: The fact is, you're cooler than me in every way, and I knew I could rely on that fact. I knew you'd know where the joke came from, so I didn't think it needed any attribution!
GIRL MONKEY: Heh.
GIRL MONKEY: Nice try.
MONKEY ANGST (thinking): Man, I wish I'd thought up that joke...]]> Monkey Law by Brad Hawkins - Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070112 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070112 Sat, 13 Jan 2007 00:35:05 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20070112">Monkey Law by Brad Hawkins - Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday</a> [[Sign on Army recruiting office reads "Free Next-Gen System Inside"]] TEENAGER: Aw, sweet! TEENAGER: Hey, are you, like, givin' away 360s or Wiis or what? MONKEY SARGE: Xbox? Wii? These are your idea of "next generation?" MONKEY SARGE: Let me ask you something... you like Gears of War, right? TEENAGER: Yeah. MONKEY SARGE: And Ghost Recon? TEENAGER: Sure. MONKEY SARGE: Yeah, those games are okay, I guess... MONKEY SARGE: But what if instead of widescreen HDTV, you could play in a totally immersive environment, with 360-degree views horizontally and vertically! No lag time, and an infinite frame rate! MONKEY SARGE: What is instead of some pussy little force-feedback controller, you had 100% realistic tactile response all over your body... MONKEY SARGE: from the sweat on your forehead to the kick of an M240B machine gun as you send 7.62mm rounds down range at 600 a minute! MONKEY SARGE: And you can forget about your faggy little 5.1-channel surround sound... MONKEY SARGE: We're talking omniphonic sound! Explosions and bullet hits, all around you! MONKEY SARGE: I'm offering the ULTIMATE FIRST-PERSON EXPERIENCE! MONKEY ANGST: Wow, you are frighteningly good at this. MONKEY SARGE: I believe the word you're looking for is "l33t." Monkey Law by Brad Hawkins - Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

[[Sign on Army recruiting office reads "Free Next-Gen System Inside"]]
TEENAGER: Aw, sweet!

TEENAGER: Hey, are you, like, givin' away 360s or Wiis or what?
MONKEY SARGE: Xbox? Wii? These are your idea of "next generation?"

MONKEY SARGE: Let me ask you something... you like Gears of War, right?
TEENAGER: Yeah.
MONKEY SARGE: And Ghost Recon?
TEENAGER: Sure.
MONKEY SARGE: Yeah, those games are okay, I guess...

MONKEY SARGE: But what if instead of widescreen HDTV, you could play in a totally immersive environment, with 360-degree views horizontally and vertically! No lag time, and an infinite frame rate!

MONKEY SARGE: What is instead of some pussy little force-feedback controller, you had 100% realistic tactile response all over your body...
MONKEY SARGE: from the sweat on your forehead to the kick of an M240B machine gun as you send 7.62mm rounds down range at 600 a minute!
MONKEY SARGE: And you can forget about your faggy little 5.1-channel surround sound...

MONKEY SARGE: We're talking omniphonic sound! Explosions and bullet hits, all around you!
MONKEY SARGE: I'm offering the ULTIMATE FIRST-PERSON EXPERIENCE!

MONKEY ANGST: Wow, you are frighteningly good at this.
MONKEY SARGE: I believe the word you're looking for is "l33t."]]> Monkey Law - Friday, December 29, 2006 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20061229 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20061229 Thu, 04 Jan 2007 18:55:20 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20061229">Monkey Law - Friday, December 29, 2006</a> MONKEY ANGST: Sugar Monkey! Thank God you're okay! SUGAR MONKEY: They let me keep my jumpsuit! MONKEY ANGST: And you! Where do you government thugs get off thinking you can just label anyone you feel like a terrorist? MONKEY ANGST: Just because they threaten the profits of some corporation?? MONKEY ANGST: Activism isn't terrorism! People have a right to try to change things! MONKEY ANGST: You can't just go around locking up people who don't agree with you! MONKEY ANGST: Sigh... Monkey Law - Friday, December 29, 2006

MONKEY ANGST: Sugar Monkey! Thank God you're okay!
SUGAR MONKEY: They let me keep my jumpsuit!

MONKEY ANGST: And you! Where do you government thugs get off thinking you can just label anyone you feel like a terrorist?
MONKEY ANGST: Just because they threaten the profits of some corporation??

MONKEY ANGST: Activism isn't terrorism! People have a right to try to change things!
MONKEY ANGST: You can't just go around locking up people who don't agree with you!

MONKEY ANGST: Sigh...]]> Monkey Law - Monday, February 20, 2006 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20060220 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20060220 Fri, 24 Feb 2006 17:09:06 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20060220">Monkey Law - Monday, February 20, 2006</a> GEORGE W. BUSH: So, Dick, I bet you'll be glad to put that hunting thing behind you... DICK CHENEY: Are you nuts? We got a whole week without any wiretapping or torture stories! I'm thinkin' about stabbing a guy on Wednesday! Monkey Law - Monday, February 20, 2006

GEORGE W. BUSH: So, Dick, I bet you'll be glad to put that hunting thing behind you...
DICK CHENEY: Are you nuts? We got a whole week without any wiretapping or torture stories! I'm thinkin' about stabbing a guy on Wednesday!]]> Monkey Law - Monday, January 16, 2006 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20060116 http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20060116 Tue, 21 Feb 2006 18:21:53 -0000 <a href="http://monkeylaw.org/index.php?date=20060116">Monkey Law - Monday, January 16, 2006</a> MONKEY LOVE: Hey, it looks like someone crashed here last night in clear violation of the 3rd Amendment! It's my roommate's best buddy, Sarge! SARGE: (reading Chronicle) Yo. MONKEY LOVE: So, Sarge, how's the recruiting game going? SARGE: Well, I've just read that they've pulled 48 Marines from ceremonial duties at Annapolis and shipped them to Iraq... MONKEY LOVE: Well, surely during wartime, guarding tombs and shit isn't... SARGE: My point is that it's 48 guys. That's how hard up for troops we are! MONKEY LOVE: Whatever. Is there any cereal left? SARGE: Nah. The Navy reactivated Cap'n Crunch. He shipped out last night. Monkey Law - Monday, January 16, 2006

MONKEY LOVE: Hey, it looks like someone crashed here last night in clear violation of the 3rd Amendment! It's my roommate's best buddy, Sarge!
SARGE: (reading Chronicle) Yo.

MONKEY LOVE: So, Sarge, how's the recruiting game going?
SARGE: Well, I've just read that they've pulled 48 Marines from ceremonial duties at Annapolis and shipped them to Iraq...

MONKEY LOVE: Well, surely during wartime, guarding tombs and shit isn't...
SARGE: My point is that it's 48 guys. That's how hard up for troops we are!

MONKEY LOVE: Whatever. Is there any cereal left?
SARGE: Nah. The Navy reactivated Cap'n Crunch. He shipped out last night.]]>