Octopus Pie - latest additions

Octopus Pie - latest additions http://octopuspie.com The latest transcribed Octopus Pie comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:01:31 -0000 60 octopus pie: not your mom's grumpy internet hipster comic http://octopuspie.com/2007/09/26/051-locked/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/09/26/051-locked/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:07:13 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/09/26/051-locked/">octopus pie: not your mom's grumpy internet hipster comic</a> [[Olly leaning out of office, Ning, Jacob and Julie surrounded by boxes]] Olly: Ning. My office. Now. Julie: Uh-oh. Julie: Olly's not using verbs. Jacob: Looks like your hero's in need of saving. [[Ning leaning into Olly's office, with his back to her]] Ning: Olly? Is everything all right? Olly: Close the door, Ning. [[Ning closes the door]] [[Ning wiggles the doorknob]] <<toggle toggle>> Ning: Locked..! [[Olly suddenly desperate, Ning looking horrified]] Olly: Oh Ning Olly: You've gotta help me! Ning: NO! octopus pie: not your mom's grumpy internet hipster comic

[[Olly leaning out of office, Ning, Jacob and Julie surrounded by boxes]]
Olly: Ning. My office. Now.

Julie: Uh-oh.
Julie: Olly's not using verbs.
Jacob: Looks like your hero's in need of saving.

[[Ning leaning into Olly's office, with his back to her]]
Ning: Olly? Is everything all right?
Olly: Close the door, Ning.

[[Ning closes the door]]

[[Ning wiggles the doorknob]]
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Ning: Locked..!

[[Olly suddenly desperate, Ning looking horrified]]
Olly: Oh Ning
Olly: You've gotta help me!
Ning: NO!]]> Impossible to steal http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/13/014-impossible-to-steal/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/13/014-impossible-to-steal/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:07:11 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/13/014-impossible-to-steal/">Impossible to steal</a> Hanna: Ah, there you are. Give up entirely? Eve: Hardly! My new bike is finished! And it's impossible to steal. Eve: This baby is wired from seat to wheel with state-of-the-art security. It starts collecting data on you the minute you so much as GLANCE at it. Eve (from outside the panel): If the bike is used without authorization, it sends a 200-volt shock through the rider-- Effectively crippling them from riding ANY bike, stolen or otherwise! Hanna: Huh. But what if you want to lend it to a friend? Eve: Easy: Simply enter an unlock code on the very straightforward console. Up to 3 friends can ride for free. (after being properly identified, of course!) Neat, huh? Hanna: Yeah. So is it possible to ENJOY this bike? Eve: Beats me. I'm buying a car after I sell the patent. Impossible to steal

Hanna: Ah, there you are. Give up entirely?
Eve: Hardly! My new bike is finished! And it's impossible to steal.

Eve: This baby is wired from seat to wheel with state-of-the-art security. It starts collecting data on you the minute you so much as GLANCE at it.

Eve (from outside the panel): If the bike is used without authorization, it sends a 200-volt shock through the rider-- Effectively crippling them from riding ANY bike, stolen or otherwise!

Hanna: Huh. But what if you want to lend it to a friend?

Eve: Easy: Simply enter an unlock code on the very straightforward console. Up to 3 friends can ride for free. (after being properly identified, of course!) Neat, huh?

Hanna: Yeah. So is it possible to ENJOY this bike?
Eve: Beats me. I'm buying a car after I sell the patent.]]> Welding freedom http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/11/013-welding-freedom/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/11/013-welding-freedom/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:07:10 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/11/013-welding-freedom/">Welding freedom</a> [[Hanna is smoking]] Hanna: So... Doin' that, huh? Eve: I am welding FREEDOM. Eve: What you see before you is the onset of a bicycle revolution. A world without limit. [[Hanna looks at the bike]] Hanna: Oh, dude. Give it a handlebar. Eve: Yeah? I don't know, it's already over 80 pounds. Welding freedom

[[Hanna is smoking]]

Hanna: So... Doin' that, huh?

Eve: I am welding FREEDOM.

Eve: What you see before you is the onset of a bicycle revolution. A world without limit.

[[Hanna looks at the bike]]

Hanna: Oh, dude. Give it a handlebar.
Eve: Yeah? I don't know, it's already over 80 pounds.]]> Bicycle rights management http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/08/012-bicycle-rights-management/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/08/012-bicycle-rights-management/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:07:08 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/08/012-bicycle-rights-management/">Bicycle rights management</a> Eve: For too long I've been victim to a society of grubby MENACES! No longer will they steal my property and my dignity. Eve: It's time for a little... Eve: Bicycle rights management! Store clerc: Twenty-four fifty. Eve: Oh, um. Shit. You take credit, right? Store clerc: I'll need two forms of I.D. and a thumb print. Bicycle rights management

Eve: For too long I've been victim to a society of grubby MENACES! No longer will they steal my property and my dignity.

Eve: It's time for a little...

Eve: Bicycle rights management!

Store clerc: Twenty-four fifty.

Eve: Oh, um. Shit. You take credit, right?
Store clerc: I'll need two forms of I.D. and a thumb print.]]> Bong-o-fury http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/06/011-bong-o-fury/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/06/011-bong-o-fury/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:07:06 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/06/011-bong-o-fury/">Bong-o-fury</a> Hanna: Mmph... C'mon, Eve, you can get a new bike. Don't take it so hard. Hanna: Chill here for a second, okay? I've got just the thing for you. [[Eve looks like she's about to cry]] Eve: Something needs to be done. This agression will not STAND. Hanna: Now, my BEST shit is still on back-order, but... One rip of ol' bong-o-fury and you'll be back to-- Hanna: Aww. Bong-o-fury

Hanna: Mmph... C'mon, Eve, you can get a new bike. Don't take it so hard.

Hanna: Chill here for a second, okay? I've got just the thing for you.

[[Eve looks like she's about to cry]]

Eve: Something needs to be done. This agression will not STAND.

Hanna: Now, my BEST shit is still on back-order, but... One rip of ol' bong-o-fury and you'll be back to--

Hanna: Aww.]]> Combos http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/04/010-combos/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/04/010-combos/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:07:02 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/04/010-combos/">Combos</a> Hanna: Yo roomie, we got any combos? I'm trying to make a salad, and-- [[Hanna stares]] [[Hanna looks at Eve, who's lying in fetal position]] Hanna: Hey... Is y'all alright? Eve: My bike... Stolen from me like a tenspeed ship in the night. Hanna: Ooh, that's a pisser. But hey, you can stay home and hang with me! Hanna: Wanna help me pick glass out of the carpet? We can share my gloves. Eve: Mr. Pedals... Combos

Hanna: Yo roomie, we got any combos? I'm trying to make a salad, and--

[[Hanna stares]]

[[Hanna looks at Eve, who's lying in fetal position]]

Hanna: Hey... Is y'all alright?
Eve: My bike... Stolen from me like a tenspeed ship in the night.

Hanna: Ooh, that's a pisser. But hey, you can stay home and hang with me!

Hanna: Wanna help me pick glass out of the carpet? We can share my gloves.
Eve: Mr. Pedals...]]> The bed store OR Mr. Pedals http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/01/009-the-bed-store-or-mr-pedals/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/01/009-the-bed-store-or-mr-pedals/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:06:55 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/06/01/009-the-bed-store-or-mr-pedals/">The bed store OR Mr. Pedals</a> Eve: You know you can sleep in a BED, right Hanna? Hanna: Uhh, yeah. I still need to bring it here. Eve: Where is it? Hanna: I don't fuckin' know... The bed store? Eve: Hah. [[Eve steps outside]] [[Eve stares in shock]] Eve: Mr. Pedals...? The bed store OR Mr. Pedals

Eve: You know you can sleep in a BED, right Hanna?
Hanna: Uhh, yeah. I still need to bring it here.

Eve: Where is it?

Hanna: I don't fuckin' know... The bed store?
Eve: Hah.

[[Eve steps outside]]

[[Eve stares in shock]]

Eve: Mr. Pedals...?]]> Blood oranges http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/30/008-blood-oranges/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/30/008-blood-oranges/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:06:51 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/30/008-blood-oranges/">Blood oranges</a> <<phone rings>> <<phone is still ringing>> <<whump>> <<phone rings>> [[Eve reaches for the phone]] Olly (phone): I need you down here NOW, Ning! Got an emergency on the floor! Can you hear me, Ning?! Eve: Olly, it's 6:30. Olly: No shit! A fresh shipment of blood oranges came in five minutes ago. Not enough to meet demand. It's Pandemonium. Get over here, Ning! Olly: And bring the stiiiick! Blood oranges

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[[Eve reaches for the phone]]

Olly (phone): I need you down here NOW, Ning! Got an emergency on the floor! Can you hear me, Ning?!

Eve: Olly, it's 6:30.

Olly: No shit! A fresh shipment of blood oranges came in five minutes ago. Not enough to meet demand. It's Pandemonium. Get over here, Ning!

Olly: And bring the stiiiick!]]> Manuel http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/28/007-manuel/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/28/007-manuel/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:06:47 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/28/007-manuel/">Manuel</a> [[Eve and her cat look at each other]] Eve: Manuel, there you are! My only friend. Eve: Why do I let people do this to me? I need to get away from everyone. Eve: Or maybe... I need to try being a little easier to get along with. Eve: Yeah... That'll happen. Eve: Screw it. Who needs people, right Manuel? All I need is y-- <<Manuel hurks>> Manuel

[[Eve and her cat look at each other]]

Eve: Manuel, there you are! My only friend.

Eve: Why do I let people do this to me? I need to get away from everyone.

Eve: Or maybe... I need to try being a little easier to get along with.

Eve: Yeah... That'll happen.

Eve: Screw it. Who needs people, right Manuel? All I need is y--
<>]]> Diplomatic stance http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/25/006-diplomatic-stance/ http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/25/006-diplomatic-stance/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:06:42 -0000 <a href="http://octopuspie.com/2007/05/25/006-diplomatic-stance/">Diplomatic stance</a> Hanna: Totally honest, Eve, I've never lived in such a nice apartment before. You wouldn't believe some of the shitholes I've settled for since college. Hanna: I think you'll find I take a very diplomatic stance on roommate issues. What's yours is mine, know what I mean, Eve? Eve: Oh God. In here, too... Hanna: And obviously if there's ever a problem, you can always-- Eve: Why does every room in this house smell like POT!? Hanna: URK! Hanna: Umm... Because I've been SMOKING it? Eve: Oh Jesus... My landlady's gonna send me packing. Hanna: Pfft... To where? The SQUARE convention? Eve: Oh, sure, you're judging ME. Diplomatic stance

Hanna: Totally honest, Eve, I've never lived in such a nice apartment before. You wouldn't believe some of the shitholes I've settled for since college.

Hanna: I think you'll find I take a very diplomatic stance on roommate issues. What's yours is mine, know what I mean, Eve?
Eve: Oh God. In here, too...

Hanna: And obviously if there's ever a problem, you can always--

Eve: Why does every room in this house smell like POT!?
Hanna: URK!

Hanna: Umm... Because I've been SMOKING it?
Eve: Oh Jesus... My landlady's gonna send me packing.

Hanna: Pfft... To where? The SQUARE convention?
Eve: Oh, sure, you're judging ME.]]>