Obnoxious Boners - latest additions

Obnoxious Boners - latest additions http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com The latest transcribed Obnoxious Boners comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Thu, 24 Dec 2009 00:12:02 -0000 60 Learn to Draw in 4 Easy Steps http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2009/12/for-daniel-dyba.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2009/12/for-daniel-dyba.html Thu, 24 Dec 2009 00:03:57 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2009/12/for-daniel-dyba.html">Learn to Draw in 4 Easy Steps</a> 1) Augment your income! Choose a life partner who does't mind sacrificing their dreams for yours. Let them shoulder the bills so that you can give full-time focus to your "artistic growth". 2) Develop a worldview! Philosophies, moralities, religions and personalities are just items on the menu. Try them all, discard them all... as long as you figure out who "you" are. (Or not!) 3) Become a master of your craft! Practice your anatomy, your perspective; study the subtleties of light, composition, gesture and form. And when that's done, practice some more! 4) Shun satisfaction and personal fulfillment! Popularity signifies a compromise of one's integrity... resist! Worthwhile work comes only from an abiding, lifelong pain. Bonus Technical Tip: The human head is 5 eyes across! Learn to Draw in 4 Easy Steps

1) Augment your income!
Choose a life partner who does't mind sacrificing their dreams for yours. Let them shoulder the bills so that you can give full-time focus to your "artistic growth".

2) Develop a worldview!
Philosophies, moralities, religions and personalities are just items on the menu. Try them all, discard them all... as long as you figure out who "you" are. (Or not!)

3) Become a master of your craft!
Practice your anatomy, your perspective; study the subtleties of light, composition, gesture and form. And when that's done, practice some more!

4) Shun satisfaction and personal fulfillment!
Popularity signifies a compromise of one's integrity... resist! Worthwhile work comes only from an abiding, lifelong pain.
Bonus Technical Tip: The human head is 5 eyes across!]]> Hey, wow, it's an ANGRY MAN'S MAN! http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2006/07/for-vlad-pinker.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2006/07/for-vlad-pinker.html Sat, 13 Jun 2009 17:16:21 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2006/07/for-vlad-pinker.html">Hey, wow, it's an ANGRY MAN'S MAN!</a> Think you're something don't you? "Mr. Big Shit." Well, class is in session, buddy. Lesson 1: You're nothing. That's right, go ahead and cry. This is my world and you're just living in it. By the way, the name of my world is "Pain". You feelin' me now? Well, don't screw with me. Yeah, and that's lesson #2. DON'T FUCKIN' SCREW WITH ME!! Hey, wow, it's an ANGRY MAN'S MAN!

Think you're something don't you? "Mr. Big Shit." Well, class is in session, buddy. Lesson 1: You're nothing.

That's right, go ahead and cry. This is my world and you're just living in it. By the way, the name of my world is "Pain".

You feelin' me now? Well, don't screw with me. Yeah, and that's lesson #2.

DON'T FUCKIN' SCREW WITH ME!!]]> Ultimate! Fighting! Cage Match! Showdown! Extreme Consequences Edition! http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2009/03/for-paul-searles.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2009/03/for-paul-searles.html Thu, 02 Apr 2009 01:45:02 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2009/03/for-paul-searles.html">Ultimate! Fighting! Cage Match! Showdown! Extreme Consequences Edition!</a> Folks, I've never seen anything like it! "BeatMaster" Montoya has literally punched his opponent's heart right out of his body! WHAM! And good night! And now it looks like he's ripping the cage apart... with his bare hands! And I can't believe my eyes, but it seems Montoya is now being worshiped by every man, woman and child in the entire world... ...which just exploded! BOO-YAH! Ultimate! Fighting! Cage Match! Showdown! Extreme Consequences Edition!

Folks, I've never seen anything like it! "BeatMaster" Montoya has literally punched his opponent's heart right out of his body! WHAM! And good night!

And now it looks like he's ripping the cage apart... with his bare hands!

And I can't believe my eyes, but it seems Montoya is now being worshiped by every man, woman and child in the entire world...

...which just exploded! BOO-YAH!]]> flibbertigibbet! http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2006/08/for-elizabeth-earhart.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2006/08/for-elizabeth-earhart.html Thu, 02 Apr 2009 01:41:03 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2006/08/for-elizabeth-earhart.html">flibbertigibbet!</a> Hi, excuse me. Is this seat taken? Hm? No, no. Go ahead. Thanks. God it's hot in here. It looks like my girlfriend stood me up, which totally sucks because I really didn't want to be alone tonight. But whatever. I guess I'll just chill at the bar for awhile. Yuck, I am so sweaty. I cannot wait to peel myself out of these clothes. Seriously. Dripping. flibbertigibbet!

Hi, excuse me. Is this seat taken?
Hm? No, no. Go ahead.
Thanks. God it's hot in here.

It looks like my girlfriend stood me up, which totally sucks because I really didn't want to be alone tonight.
But whatever. I guess I'll just chill at the bar for awhile.

Yuck, I am so sweaty. I cannot wait to peel myself out of these clothes.

Seriously. Dripping.]]> Pommes De TERROR! http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2008/04/for-terry-julien.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2008/04/for-terry-julien.html Thu, 24 Apr 2008 05:08:48 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2008/04/for-terry-julien.html">Pommes De TERROR!</a> DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C... NOW! Scourge of the western world, gentlemen, and something's got to be done. I assume you all know the cowards I'm talkin' about. The French! The French! The French! The French! BEAUROCRACY BE DAMNED! WITHIN MOMENTS, THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF ISSUES A FATEFUL ORDER... Scramble them spud-fighters! Let's hit 'em where they live! HOURS LATER, THE STARCHY STRAFE BEGINS! A POTATO BOMBING ON PARIS, FRANCE!!! Ze Americaines, zey 'ave gone bonkaires! Eet ees not our fault we are stuck-up buffoons weeth stupeed clothes! Le NOOOOOO!!!! "OPERATION: FREEDOM FRIES" WAS, HOWEVER, ONLY A MODERATE SUCCESS. THE UNITED STATES' REPUTATION WAS REGRETTABLY SULLIED IN THE EYES OF THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY. PREDICTABLY, THE FRENCH PRIME MINISTER DECLINED RETALIATORY MEASURES, BUT THE LIBERAL MEDIA NONETHELESS INSISTED ON DUBBING THE INCIDENT "OPERATION: AMERICAN INTIMI-TATERS". Pommes De TERROR!

DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C... NOW!
Scourge of the western world, gentlemen, and something's got to be done. I assume you all know the cowards I'm talkin' about.
The French!
The French!
The French!
The French!

BEAUROCRACY BE DAMNED! WITHIN MOMENTS, THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF ISSUES A FATEFUL ORDER...
Scramble them spud-fighters! Let's hit 'em where they live!

HOURS LATER, THE STARCHY STRAFE BEGINS! A POTATO BOMBING ON PARIS, FRANCE!!!
Ze Americaines, zey 'ave gone bonkaires!
Eet ees not our fault we are stuck-up buffoons weeth stupeed clothes!
Le NOOOOOO!!!!

"OPERATION: FREEDOM FRIES" WAS, HOWEVER, ONLY A MODERATE SUCCESS. THE UNITED STATES' REPUTATION WAS REGRETTABLY SULLIED IN THE EYES OF THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY.
PREDICTABLY, THE FRENCH PRIME MINISTER DECLINED RETALIATORY MEASURES, BUT THE LIBERAL MEDIA NONETHELESS INSISTED ON DUBBING THE INCIDENT "OPERATION: AMERICAN INTIMI-TATERS".]]> Amnesia http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2008/03/for-ashley-tuttleman.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2008/03/for-ashley-tuttleman.html Thu, 24 Apr 2008 05:04:50 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2008/03/for-ashley-tuttleman.html">Amnesia</a> Doctor Tominger, is this true? You've discovered a cure for anterograde and retrograde amnesia? Effectively, yes. Years of testing and research, but I do believe we've "cracked" it, so to speak. Believe it or not, it all comes down to this little device. Memory issues are now a thing of the past, if you'll pardon the witticism. Ha ha ha! C'mon, I'll show you how it works. Take Mr. Johnson, here. A sharp blow to the parietal portion of the subject's cranium and voila! His memory returns. GNN! Note that the procedure will only produce positive results if applied an odd number of times. Doctor, is this method 100% effective? What method? Amnesia

Doctor Tominger, is this true? You've discovered a cure for anterograde and retrograde amnesia?
Effectively, yes. Years of testing and research, but I do believe we've "cracked" it, so to speak.

Believe it or not, it all comes down to this little device. Memory issues are now a thing of the past, if you'll pardon the witticism.
Ha ha ha!
C'mon, I'll show you how it works.

Take Mr. Johnson, here. A sharp blow to the parietal portion of the subject's cranium and voila! His memory returns.
GNN!

Note that the procedure will only produce positive results if applied an odd number of times.
Doctor, is this method 100% effective?
What method?]]> The Evidence Suggests a Sinus Infection http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/12/for-brad-keller.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/12/for-brad-keller.html Thu, 24 Apr 2008 05:01:12 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/12/for-brad-keller.html">The Evidence Suggests a Sinus Infection</a> Sore throat. Fever. Snot: red. Phlegm: green. Erratic sleep. Uncontrolled cough. Sinus pressure. Do you HHAACH... Do you HHAAACHH... Hang on. HAACCHHHHHHH. Broken, burbly voice. Acetaminophen. Daytime/nighttime cold & flu syrup. Herbal cough drops. Echinaceal tea & vitamin c. Preventative steps: Doctor visit? No. Antibiotics? No. Gargling apple cider vinegar? No. I told you: I'm a man. I will see this through on my own. The Evidence Suggests a Sinus Infection

Sore throat.

Fever.

Snot: red.

Phlegm: green.

Erratic sleep.

Uncontrolled cough.

Sinus pressure.

Do you HHAACH... Do you HHAAACHH... Hang on. HAACCHHHHHHH.
Broken, burbly voice.

Acetaminophen.

Daytime/nighttime cold & flu syrup.

Herbal cough drops.

Echinaceal tea & vitamin c.

Preventative steps:
Doctor visit? No.

Antibiotics? No.

Gargling apple cider vinegar? No.

I told you: I'm a man. I will see this through on my own.]]> When We Were Underage http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-katie-diaz.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-katie-diaz.html Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:42:45 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-katie-diaz.html">When We Were Underage</a> We swam in yellow oceans, dear; We chewed on wild sage And gamboled byways labyrinthine When we were underage. We congressed in a cherry glade, Amid the bramble spines; You wore a crown of lily leaves And honeysuckle vines. Tomorrows became yesterdays. My penalty? A cage! For I had grown to be a man, But you stayed underage. When We Were Underage

We swam in yellow oceans, dear;
We chewed on wild sage
And gamboled byways labyrinthine
When we were underage.

We congressed in a cherry glade,
Amid the bramble spines;

You wore a crown of lily leaves
And honeysuckle vines.

Tomorrows became yesterdays.
My penalty? A cage!
For I had grown to be a man,
But you stayed underage.]]> A Layman's Guide To Movie Posters http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-josh-olson.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-josh-olson.html Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:40:26 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-josh-olson.html">A Layman's Guide To Movie Posters</a> Epic Landscape Funny Christmas Dad Determined Cop with a City Skyline Just Ask the Critics The Ensemble Big, Recognizeable Face Attractive and in Love Scratchy, Bloody, Scary Blew the Budget on Effects Superhero Emblem Arty Farty Buy All These Toys For Your Kids College Beer & Boobs Complicated Fantasy Collage Goofy Guy and a Serious Professional Sequel Teaser A Layman's Guide To Movie Posters

Epic Landscape

Funny Christmas Dad

Determined Cop with a City Skyline

Just Ask the Critics

The Ensemble

Big, Recognizeable Face

Attractive and in Love

Scratchy, Bloody, Scary

Blew the Budget on Effects

Superhero Emblem

Arty Farty

Buy All These Toys For Your Kids

College Beer & Boobs

Complicated Fantasy Collage

Goofy Guy and a Serious Professional

Sequel Teaser]]> Youth Pastor Mike Keeps It Real http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-alyssa-mitchell.html http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-alyssa-mitchell.html Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:37:14 -0000 <a href="http://obnoxiousboners.blogspot.com/2007/08/for-alyssa-mitchell.html">Youth Pastor Mike Keeps It Real</a> Listen, gang, I know what you're thinkin'. "Pastor Mike! How does a YOUTH MINISTER get away with wearing a shirt like THAT?!" Well guess what, dudes and dudettes: God is radical. Jesus Christ didn't go with the flow. His message, like the one on this shirt, was COUNTER-CULTURE! So, for a few minutes, I just want to rap with you about how we, as Believers, can "shake up" our world. By the end of it, maybe we'll all be wearing-- Okay. Wow, I'm so sorry. This is the wrong shirt. Youth Pastor Mike Keeps It Real

Listen, gang, I know what you're thinkin'. "Pastor Mike! How does a YOUTH MINISTER get away with wearing a shirt like THAT?!"

Well guess what, dudes and dudettes: God is radical. Jesus Christ didn't go with the flow. His message, like the one on this shirt, was COUNTER-CULTURE!

So, for a few minutes, I just want to rap with you about how we, as Believers, can "shake up" our world. By the end of it, maybe we'll all be wearing--

Okay. Wow, I'm so sorry. This is the wrong shirt.]]>