Just A Bit Off... - latest additions

On Your Next Census Form...

On Your Next Census Form...
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Caption: At Comic-Con...
Lee: Wow, look at all the stormtroopers here this year!
Jeff: I know! Check out this Gangsta Stormtrooper!

Jeff: Goth Dominatrix Stormtrooper? Huh!

Jeff: Emo Stormtrooper? Bizarre.

Jeff: Elvis Stormtrooper! Rock on, King!
Elvis Trooper: That's right, babeh!

Jeff: ...Even a Klingon Stormtrooper. Now I've seen everything.

Jeff: Soon we're gonna have to start calling them Stormtrooper-Americans!!
Uncle Sam Stormtrooper: Yer damn skippy!

With a Little Help from My Friends...

With a Little Help from My Friends...
";
Jeff (on headset): Yeah, sometimes I feel pretty alienated here. There are so few people in Los Angeles who value honesty and who are truly warm and available emotionally...

Jeff (on headset): I find myself home alone most nights, with very little in the way of rewarding human interaction, just like tonight. Jeez, I should be out somewhere...

Jeff: (on headset): ...so I guess I'd just like to say that I really appreciate you being here to talk to me.
Marty (thru headset): Hey, no problem.

Marty (thru headset): Now will you shut up and go steal the Red Team's flag already?!
XBox: Boom! Killing Spree! Gained the Lead!

Couldn't Wait Another Minute...

Couldn't Wait Another Minute...
";
Alarm Clock: 6:57
Fat Cat: (sits on floor looking up at bed)
Jeff: Z

Alarm Clock: 6:58
Fat Cat: (sits on floor looking up at bed)
Jeff: Z

Alarm Clock: 6:59
Fat Cat: (leaps onto bed) RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN
Jeff: Urk!

Alarm Clock: 7:00 BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Fat Cat: (leaps down off bed)
Jeff: *Sigh.*

Shoulda Gone Babelfishin'...

Shoulda Gone Babelfishin'...
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Jeff: Hey, Nadia, I keep getting spam in Russian. Can you translate it?
Nadia: Okay...

Nadia: Hmm... this one is Moscow taxicab advert... and this is for... hehehe for enlarge of manhood! And this next one is being...

Nadia (pummelling Jeff): You dirty DIRTY filthy man! You are pig! (Russian words)

Nadia: You are to be ashamed!!
.sara: Do I want to know?
Jeff: I'm pretty sure I don't...

A Slight Tactical Error...

A Slight Tactical Error...
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TGF: You know what we need? Minions!
Jeff: Hey, yeah! That would be awesome!

TGF: An entire LEGION of minions to do our bidding!
Jeff: Horde.

TGF: What?
Jeff: Horde. As in, "horde of fiendish minions."

TGF: You fool! A legion is larger than a horde! This is why I always beat you at Risk!!
Jeff: Curses! Crushed by superior nerd-fu!

Back East for the Holidays...

Back East for the Holidays...
";
Caption: Arriving at Newark Airport...
Jeff: Hey dude! Good to see ya!
Sideshow: (smoke smoke smoke) Welcome back, man. Let me get your bag.

Caption: At the family home...
Dad: (smoke smoke) Great to see ya, kiddo!
Jeff: *koff* Yeah, Dad, it's good to be *koff* back...

Caption: Back at the old club...
Dude: (smoke smoke) Hey, big California guy! Rock on, Metal, WOOO!! (smoke smoke smoke)
Jeff: *hack* Yeah, metal *cough* *choke* woo *hack*

Caption: Departure time...
Sideshow, Dad, Dude: (smoke smoke) Come back soon! (smoke smoke)
Jeff: Yeah, I'll be sure to return for Cancerfest 2016...

Aww, You Old Smoothie...

Aww, You Old Smoothie...
";
Caption - At the company party...
Liza - Hi, I'm Liza from I.T. I hear you are a comic artist, is that true?
Jeff - Uh, yeah, it is.

Liza - Awesome! I love comics and anime like Akira, Appleseed and Battle Angel, and also Sci-Fi like Star Trek and Star Wars!!
Jeff - Uh, wow! That's amazing!

Jeff - I mean, usually when I say I do comics to most women in L.A., it's like saying I'm a child molester!!

Liza - That... was probably not the best response.
Jeff - Can we start again from "hi," and this time remember I was raised by Klingons?

The Ultimatum (from the Back in the Day Files)

The Ultimatum (from the Back in the Day Files)
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Girlfriend: It's either me or the guitar!!
Jeff - Well, you know the answer to that.

Girlfriend - Fine! I'm leaving you!! Good Bye!!
Jeff - Hmf.

Jeff (on phone) - Hey Steve. Yeah, she dumped me and left. Uh-huh.

Jeff (on phone) - So let's get all the dudes over here for a party, before she remembers that this is HER apartment!!

Yeah, But Who's Gonna Fly It, Kid?...

Yeah, But Who's Gonna Fly It, Kid?...
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Jeff - This monitor is messed up (and heavy).
Mac Master Guy - No problem. We should have it back to you in about a week.

Caption - A week later...
Jeff - Hey, there's my baby!
Mac Master Guy - Yep, all set. That will be $1538.26, please.

Jeff - WTF?!! I coulda bought a new Cinema Display for that!!
Mac Master Guy - It was full of cat hair. Almost enough to make a new cat. Here it is.

Jeff - Surely cleaning out cat hair doesn't cost 1500 bucks.
Mac Master Guy - No, most of it is the emergency room bill. Our tech is allergic to cats and went into anaphylactic shock.

O, The Indignity...

O, The Indignity...
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.sara: I got a promotion!
Jeff: What!!?

.sara: That's right! I'm officially higher up the ladder than you!
Jeff: Argh! I've been here longer, I'm 10 years older, and YOU get the promotion!?

.sara: You also hide in the corner, slack off a lot, barely contribute to the group, and are always working on your personal comics and stuff.
Jeff: Well, ya got me there.

.sara: Besides, you still make more than I do.
Jeff: Hey! That's not so bad then!

.sara: Which means celebration beers are on you!!
Jeff: Of COURSE they are. *sigh*