Just A Bit Off... - latest additions

Just A Bit Off... - latest additions http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/ The latest transcribed Just A Bit Off... comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Fri, 21 Aug 2009 21:42:03 -0000 60 All Good Things... http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/index.php http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/index.php Fri, 21 Aug 2009 21:30:56 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/index.php">All Good Things...</a> Jeff: Whoof, it has REALLY been a long, LONG day. Rick: Let's get on outta here and head home. Jeff: yeah, I think I've about HAD IT with the whole MEDIEVAL FANTASY thing. I need me a SERIOUS DOSE of some REALITY. Rick: what are you gonna do when you get home? Jeff: hmm, I dunno... I think I'll get back to FINISHING HALO 2!! All Good Things...

Jeff: Whoof, it has REALLY been a long, LONG day.
Rick: Let's get on outta here and head home.

Jeff: yeah, I think I've about HAD IT with the whole MEDIEVAL FANTASY thing.
I need me a SERIOUS DOSE of some REALITY.

Rick: what are you gonna do when you get home?
Jeff: hmm, I dunno...
I think I'll get back to FINISHING HALO 2!!]]> Now Wait Just a Centon... http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=179 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=179 Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:17:51 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=179">Now Wait Just a Centon...</a> Jeff: Syfy? Jeff: Syfy? Jeff: Are you @#$%ing kidding? Jeff: SYFY? Jeff: That's the BIGGEST steaming pile of marketing bull$#!% I've ever seen, and I worked at a dot-com. Jeff: Whatever drugs your Golgafrinchian M.B.A.s are snorting up there in the GREAT WHITE NORTH, they must be awesome. Jeff: I'm so disgusted by this JARGON-SPEAK MORONITY that I've had to invent my OWN EXPLANATION just to keep my sanity intact. Sort of. Dirk Benedict: Excellent! When "SYFY" collapses from STUPIDITY, we can get the REAL GALACTICA back on NETWORK where it belongs! Dirk Benedict: I LOVE it when a plan comes together, Cy! Cylon: <<voice filter="digiCylon">>By your command, Starbuck.<</voice>> {{title text: "Now Wait Just A Centon..."}} Now Wait Just a Centon...

Jeff: Syfy?
Jeff: Syfy?
Jeff: Are you @#$%ing kidding?
Jeff: SYFY?
Jeff: That's the BIGGEST steaming pile of marketing bull$#!% I've ever seen, and I worked at a dot-com.

Jeff: Whatever drugs your Golgafrinchian M.B.A.s are snorting up there in the GREAT WHITE NORTH, they must be awesome.
Jeff: I'm so disgusted by this JARGON-SPEAK MORONITY that I've had to invent my OWN EXPLANATION just to keep my sanity intact. Sort of.

Dirk Benedict: Excellent! When "SYFY" collapses from STUPIDITY, we can get the REAL GALACTICA back on NETWORK where it belongs!
Dirk Benedict: I LOVE it when a plan comes together, Cy!
Cylon: <>By your command, Starbuck.<>

{{title text: "Now Wait Just A Centon..."}}]]> "Come On, Dave, Gimme A Break..." http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=90 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=90 Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:58:50 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=90">"Come On, Dave, Gimme A Break..."</a> [[Caption: At the Van Halen reunion show...]] David Lee Roth (singing): Unchained... And ya hit the ground runnin... [[David Lee Roth stops singing and turns to Eddie Van Halen.]] David Lee Roth: Wait a minute, Ed... David Lee Roth: Hey you! Air Guitar Guy up in Section 302! Cut that air guitaring out! Whaddya think this is, some cover band show from 1989?? [[A spotlight shines on Jeff, who was air guitaring to the music.]] <<-crickets- -crickets- -crickets->> Jeff: Uh... Heh... Um... David Lee Roth: Nah, just kidding dude! Rock out all you want! Your girlfriend emailed me to play a joke on ya! [[Jeff is talking to The Girlfriend on his cellphone from his place in the arena.]] Jeff: Ha. Ha. Very %$&#@ing funny. TGF (on the cell phone): Happy birthday Hunny! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! "Come On, Dave, Gimme A Break..."

[[Caption: At the Van Halen reunion show...]]
David Lee Roth (singing): Unchained... And ya hit the ground runnin...

[[David Lee Roth stops singing and turns to Eddie Van Halen.]]
David Lee Roth: Wait a minute, Ed...

David Lee Roth: Hey you! Air Guitar Guy up in Section 302! Cut that air guitaring out! Whaddya think this is, some cover band show from 1989??

[[A spotlight shines on Jeff, who was air guitaring to the music.]]
<<-crickets- -crickets- -crickets->>
Jeff: Uh... Heh... Um...

David Lee Roth: Nah, just kidding dude! Rock out all you want! Your girlfriend emailed me to play a joke on ya!

[[Jeff is talking to The Girlfriend on his cellphone from his place in the arena.]]
Jeff: Ha. Ha. Very %$&#@ing funny.
TGF (on the cell phone): Happy birthday Hunny! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!]]> "Traveling with Confidence..." http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=89 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=89 Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:58:30 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=89">"Traveling with Confidence..."</a> [[Jeff is sending off a box at the UPS Package Dropoff store.]] UPS Lady: ...and your package will arrive in Texas on Thursday, guaranteed. Jeff: Great. My merch for the con will be waiting for me when I get there. [[Jeff is reviewing his luggage before leaving the apartment.]] Jeff: Ok, I've got all my art supplies packed, plus my Mac, camera, phone... Clothes, socks, toiletries, shaving stuff, extra shoes... Yep, that's everything. But I always feel like I'm forgetting something that's really important... [[Jeff is smiling contentedly in his window seat on the airplane.]] Jeff: Nah, I didn't forget anything. I'm just imagining it. I can just sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. [[Caption: Back at Casa del Jefe Apartments...]] [[View of the outside of Jeff's apartment building. Jeff's cats are yelling loudly enough to disturb the neighbors.]] <<Meow!! Myow!! Myaow!! MYAAAOW!!>> Upstairs Neighbor: Shut up!! Other Neighbor: @#$&ing stupid cats!! Concerned Citizen: Hello, 9-1-1? I want to report a terrible case of animal abuse... "Traveling with Confidence..."

[[Jeff is sending off a box at the UPS Package Dropoff store.]]
UPS Lady: ...and your package will arrive in Texas on Thursday, guaranteed.
Jeff: Great. My merch for the con will be waiting for me when I get there.

[[Jeff is reviewing his luggage before leaving the apartment.]]
Jeff: Ok, I've got all my art supplies packed, plus my Mac, camera, phone... Clothes, socks, toiletries, shaving stuff, extra shoes... Yep, that's everything. But I always feel like I'm forgetting something that's really important...

[[Jeff is smiling contentedly in his window seat on the airplane.]]
Jeff: Nah, I didn't forget anything. I'm just imagining it. I can just sit back, relax and enjoy the flight.

[[Caption: Back at Casa del Jefe Apartments...]]
[[View of the outside of Jeff's apartment building. Jeff's cats are yelling loudly enough to disturb the neighbors.]]
<>
Upstairs Neighbor: Shut up!!
Other Neighbor: @#$&ing stupid cats!!
Concerned Citizen: Hello, 9-1-1? I want to report a terrible case of animal abuse...]]> "Sing Along with Jeff, Episode 1..." (to the tune of "Walking On The Moon" by The Police) http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=85 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=85 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:25:10 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=85">"Sing Along with Jeff, Episode 1..." (to the tune of "Walking On The Moon" by The Police)</a> [[Caption: Volvo drivers, on the brakes...]] [[Jeff is riding his motorcycle behind a Volvo with the brake lights on, while the driver is talking on their cell phone. The license plate reads NEW-AGE.]] Volvo Driver: Oh Harry, I'm late for my crystal aura reading! [[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Actress girl puts on pancake...]] [[Jeff is riding his motorcycle beside a car whose driver is putting on her makeup and talking on her cell phone. only her right knee is touching the steering wheel.]] Actress Girl: And so my agent told my acting coach that I totally had the part... [[Caption: ... Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Weaving giant SUV...]] [[Jeff is riding his motorcycle beside a giant SUV, whose driver is talking on his cell phone.]] SUV Driver: ...and we've got a new funding source for our I/O ARM... [[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Hope you don't run over me...]] [[The giant SUV swerves into Jeff's lane, almost hitting him.]] SUV Driver: ...blah blah money money blah blah... Jeff: GAH! [[Caption: ...Talking on, talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: U... S. A., yakkin your lives away,]] [[A map of the USA is shown, with various talk balloons.]] North-central USA: ...blah blah blah... East-coast USA: ...yak yak yak... West-coast USA: ...gab gab gab... [[Caption: All day, thinking up things to say...]] [[Caption: Hey, O.K., driving on our freeway,]] [[Lots of traffic is on the road, with various talk balloons coming from the vehicles.]] Truck: ...blah blah blah... SUV: ...yak yak yak... Sports Car: ...gab gab gab... [[Caption: So hey, PUT THE PHONE AWAY!]] [[Caption: Couple on a dinner date...]] [[The Girlfriend and Jeff are in a restaurant. Across the room, another couple is at a table, but both of them are talking on their cell phones.]] Rude Boyfriend: ...I'd love to read your script... Rude Girlfriend: ... so the audition is at Paramount... [[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Failure to communicate...]] Rude Boyfriend: ...why don't we do lunch? Rude Girlfriend: ...sure, is he like, cute? [[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Shopping in the grocery store...]] [[Jeff is pushing a shopping cart through the frozen food aisle, past a goth chick who is talking on her cell phone.]] Girl In Store: ...ya, and then TINA said that GINA said that JEREMY said like Oh My God... [[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Cell phone bill will make you poor...]] [[A CT&T customer is reviewing his invoice. It says that 7,183 minutes were used, and that $962.00 is due.]] CT&T Customer: 7,000 minutes?? Guess I'll put it on the VISA again... [[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Yelling in a public place...]] [[A loudmouthed guy is yelling into his cell phone. Jeff is standing behind him.]] Loudmouth: What? No... WHAT?! Dude, you're breaking up... [[Jeff clenches his fists.]] Jeff: RRR.... [[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]] [[Caption: Why don't you just shut your face...]] [[Jeff punches Loudmouth in the face, knocking him out.]] <<KRAK!>> Loudmouth: Ugh!! [[Caption: Talking on, talking on the phone.]] "Sing Along with Jeff, Episode 1..." (to the tune of "Walking On The Moon" by The Police)

[[Caption: Volvo drivers, on the brakes...]]
[[Jeff is riding his motorcycle behind a Volvo with the brake lights on, while the driver is talking on their cell phone. The license plate reads NEW-AGE.]]
Volvo Driver: Oh Harry, I'm late for my crystal aura reading!
[[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Actress girl puts on pancake...]]
[[Jeff is riding his motorcycle beside a car whose driver is putting on her makeup and talking on her cell phone. only her right knee is touching the steering wheel.]]
Actress Girl: And so my agent told my acting coach that I totally had the part...
[[Caption: ... Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Weaving giant SUV...]]
[[Jeff is riding his motorcycle beside a giant SUV, whose driver is talking on his cell phone.]]
SUV Driver: ...and we've got a new funding source for our I/O ARM...
[[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Hope you don't run over me...]]
[[The giant SUV swerves into Jeff's lane, almost hitting him.]]
SUV Driver: ...blah blah money money blah blah...
Jeff: GAH!
[[Caption: ...Talking on, talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: U... S. A., yakkin your lives away,]]
[[A map of the USA is shown, with various talk balloons.]]
North-central USA: ...blah blah blah...
East-coast USA: ...yak yak yak...
West-coast USA: ...gab gab gab...
[[Caption: All day, thinking up things to say...]]

[[Caption: Hey, O.K., driving on our freeway,]]
[[Lots of traffic is on the road, with various talk balloons coming from the vehicles.]]
Truck: ...blah blah blah...
SUV: ...yak yak yak...
Sports Car: ...gab gab gab...
[[Caption: So hey, PUT THE PHONE AWAY!]]

[[Caption: Couple on a dinner date...]]
[[The Girlfriend and Jeff are in a restaurant. Across the room, another couple is at a table, but both of them are talking on their cell phones.]]
Rude Boyfriend: ...I'd love to read your script...
Rude Girlfriend: ... so the audition is at Paramount...
[[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Failure to communicate...]]
Rude Boyfriend: ...why don't we do lunch?
Rude Girlfriend: ...sure, is he like, cute?
[[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Shopping in the grocery store...]]
[[Jeff is pushing a shopping cart through the frozen food aisle, past a goth chick who is talking on her cell phone.]]
Girl In Store: ...ya, and then TINA said that GINA said that JEREMY said like Oh My God...
[[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Cell phone bill will make you poor...]]
[[A CT&T customer is reviewing his invoice. It says that 7,183 minutes were used, and that $962.00 is due.]]
CT&T Customer: 7,000 minutes?? Guess I'll put it on the VISA again...
[[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Yelling in a public place...]]
[[A loudmouthed guy is yelling into his cell phone. Jeff is standing behind him.]]
Loudmouth: What? No... WHAT?! Dude, you're breaking up...
[[Jeff clenches his fists.]]
Jeff: RRR....
[[Caption: ...Talking on the phone.]]

[[Caption: Why don't you just shut your face...]]
[[Jeff punches Loudmouth in the face, knocking him out.]]
<>
Loudmouth: Ugh!!
[[Caption: Talking on, talking on the phone.]]]]> "I'm Really Just Visiting..." http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=84 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=84 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:22:26 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=84">"I'm Really Just Visiting..."</a> [[The Girlfriend is eating a granola bar. Jeff is working on his laptop.]] TGF: Mm, chewy! I really love chewy granola bars! <<munch munch>> Jeff: GRAAARGK! TGF: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. [[TGF inspects the furniture, while Jeff is reading a book.]] TGF: I want to rearrange my living room furniture. What do you think? Jeff: Make it so, Number One! [[TGF and Jeff are walking through a mall.]] TGF: Hey, let's take a stroll into this bookstore! Jeff: One does not simply WALK into Borders!! [[TGF throws up her hands in frustration.]] TGF: Do you EVER actually live on THIS planet? Jeff: Not if I can help it, no. "I'm Really Just Visiting..."

[[The Girlfriend is eating a granola bar. Jeff is working on his laptop.]]
TGF: Mm, chewy! I really love chewy granola bars! <>
Jeff: GRAAARGK!
TGF: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

[[TGF inspects the furniture, while Jeff is reading a book.]]
TGF: I want to rearrange my living room furniture. What do you think?
Jeff: Make it so, Number One!

[[TGF and Jeff are walking through a mall.]]
TGF: Hey, let's take a stroll into this bookstore!
Jeff: One does not simply WALK into Borders!!

[[TGF throws up her hands in frustration.]]
TGF: Do you EVER actually live on THIS planet?
Jeff: Not if I can help it, no.]]> "It's the Hazard You Don't Foresee..." http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=81 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=81 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:21:48 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=81">"It's the Hazard You Don't Foresee..."</a> [[.sara walks up to Jeff holding a helmet.]] .sara: Yay! I got a helmet! Jeff: For what? .sara: For motorcycle riding! Jeff: Heh, great. Now all you need is an actual motorcycle! [[.sara glares at Jeff and hits him on the head with the helmet.]] <<BONK!>> [[.sara walks away angry, while Jeff rubs his head.]] .sara: <<*huff!*>> Co-worker: Are you okay? Jeff: Do you think they sell Daily Life helmets? "It's the Hazard You Don't Foresee..."

[[.sara walks up to Jeff holding a helmet.]]
.sara: Yay! I got a helmet!
Jeff: For what?

.sara: For motorcycle riding!
Jeff: Heh, great. Now all you need is an actual motorcycle!

[[.sara glares at Jeff and hits him on the head with the helmet.]]
<>

[[.sara walks away angry, while Jeff rubs his head.]]
.sara: <<*huff!*>>
Co-worker: Are you okay?
Jeff: Do you think they sell Daily Life helmets?]]> "Small Victory's Better Than Nothing..." http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=80 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=80 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:20:35 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=80">"Small Victory's Better Than Nothing..."</a> [[The Girlfriend is drying a dish when Jeff walks in, sweaty and dirty.]] TGF: Hi, Hunny. How's your day going? Jeff: Ugh, not good. It's 2 pm, I've been trying to get the starter into the Camaro, with no luck. Plus the dryers are all broken, so I had to hang all my clothes in the hallway. TGF: Oh dear. Jeff: Also, I did a nice flyer for the CAPS Auction, but I was supposed to do it for the CAPS Banquet. So basically, today is utterly made of fail. TGF: Aw, don't worry Hunny, it'll all be okay. [[TGF pats Jeff on the head.]] Jeff: Well, there is one small consolation to it all... TGF: Oh? Jeff: Since 2pm is when I'd planned to be finished with everything, I've succeeded in failing within the time allotted!! "Small Victory's Better Than Nothing..."

[[The Girlfriend is drying a dish when Jeff walks in, sweaty and dirty.]]
TGF: Hi, Hunny. How's your day going?
Jeff: Ugh, not good. It's 2 pm, I've been trying to get the starter into the Camaro, with no luck. Plus the dryers are all broken, so I had to hang all my clothes in the hallway.

TGF: Oh dear.
Jeff: Also, I did a nice flyer for the CAPS Auction, but I was supposed to do it for the CAPS Banquet. So basically, today is utterly made of fail.

TGF: Aw, don't worry Hunny, it'll all be okay.
[[TGF pats Jeff on the head.]]
Jeff: Well, there is one small consolation to it all...

TGF: Oh?
Jeff: Since 2pm is when I'd planned to be finished with everything, I've succeeded in failing within the time allotted!!]]> "Extablished Procedure..." http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=79 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=79 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:16:37 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=79">"Extablished Procedure..."</a> [[Jeff walks up to The Girlfriend, who is working on her laptop.]] Jeff: Can I borrow your Mac charger? I left mine at work. TGF: Sure. Jeff: Ok, I'll take it upstairs- TGF: NOOOOO!! You need to wait until I can be there with you, so I can hover over you and make disapproving clucking noises! Jeff: <<*sigh*>> TGF: And then yell and scold you when you do it wrong! Jeff: This is different from any other thing I do when you're around HOW, exactly? TGF: Consistency is key! [[Jeff does a *facepalm*]] "Extablished Procedure..."

[[Jeff walks up to The Girlfriend, who is working on her laptop.]]
Jeff: Can I borrow your Mac charger? I left mine at work.
TGF: Sure.

Jeff: Ok, I'll take it upstairs-
TGF: NOOOOO!! You need to wait until I can be there with you, so I can hover over you and make disapproving clucking noises!
Jeff: <<*sigh*>>

TGF: And then yell and scold you when you do it wrong!
Jeff: This is different from any other thing I do when you're around HOW, exactly?

TGF: Consistency is key!
[[Jeff does a *facepalm*]]]]> "I'm AFK Today..." http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=78 http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=78 Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:16:21 -0000 <a href="http://jeffzugale.com/justabitoff/archive_page.php?comicID=78">"I'm AFK Today..."</a> [[Jeff is sitting in a folding lawn chair, next to a lake. He is holding a fishing rod in one hand, a beer in the other, and has a stem of grass in his mouth.]] [[Jeff is smiling contentedly.]] [[Jeff begins to frown.]] [[Jeff frowns and glares at the audience without moving his head.]] [[Jeff closes his eye again.]] Jeff: Go 'way. I'm on VACATION here. "I'm AFK Today..."

[[Jeff is sitting in a folding lawn chair, next to a lake. He is holding a fishing rod in one hand, a beer in the other, and has a stem of grass in his mouth.]]
[[Jeff is smiling contentedly.]]

[[Jeff begins to frown.]]

[[Jeff frowns and glares at the audience without moving his head.]]

[[Jeff closes his eye again.]]
Jeff: Go 'way. I'm on VACATION here.]]>