Nobody Scores! - latest additions

Nobody Scores! - latest additions http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com The latest transcribed Nobody Scores! comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:12:04 -0000 60 Fortunate Ink http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=507 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=507 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:50:33 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=507">Fortunate Ink</a> Rad new tattoos! Skin frescoes! Yes, it is time to get yourself some FORTUNATE INK Where's Waldo? [[Biff, wearing only a thong, is covered with landscape tattoos.]] Biff: Guess! [[But, the woman at the party is not impressed.]] Farm Animals [[Sara wakes up from a drunken night in a motel, covered in cows, chickens, pigs, bulls, etc.]] The Complete Text of "The Tell-Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe [[Beans shows off his chest, covered with the text of said story. Appraisal:]] Young Lady Hipster: Eh. Maybe if it were Borges. *I don't even know what kind of party this is Self-Portraits [[Yup. The guy is covered in pictures of himself.]] *6/24/2k9 BBolt's epidermis is showing. Ewwwwww Fortunate Ink

Rad new tattoos! Skin frescoes! Yes, it is time to get yourself some
FORTUNATE INK

Where's Waldo?
[[Biff, wearing only a thong, is covered with landscape tattoos.]]
Biff: Guess!
[[But, the woman at the party is not impressed.]]

Farm Animals
[[Sara wakes up from a drunken night in a motel, covered in cows, chickens, pigs, bulls, etc.]]

The Complete Text of "The Tell-Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe
[[Beans shows off his chest, covered with the text of said story. Appraisal:]]
Young Lady Hipster: Eh. Maybe if it were Borges.
*I don't even know what kind of party this is

Self-Portraits
[[Yup. The guy is covered in pictures of himself.]]
*6/24/2k9 BBolt's epidermis is showing. Ewwwwww]]> Nobody Scores with Precise Documentation. http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=506 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=506 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:43:10 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=506">Nobody Scores with Precise Documentation.</a> Nobody Scores with Precise Documentation. [[Beans is overcome with manic joy.]] Beans: Yes! I can never get enough of this Jane: Yyup. Ya can't. Beans: The PRECISE MOMENT [[Beans pulls out his video-enabled cell phone.]] Beans: At which Sara realizes her bank account is EMPTY Beans: SQUEE! [[We see Sara scream, squint in disbelief, scowl, then go white with fear + resignation.]] [[Beans watches with undiluted joy.]] [[Turns out, Beans, Jane, and Sara are all living under a bridge.]] Sara: Thus leaving us with THREE people who can't PAY RENT Sara's support network comes through big [[Sara's mother Margaret is talking on a Bluetooth headset while driving]] Margaret: HA Eat it up loser Sara: Mom, that's just unseemly. Sara: I can't even get rid of you people when I'm homeless Beans: Pass the Thai curry Jane [[Beans enhances his shoe-dining experience with curry flavor, and watches the video again and again, growing derangeder and derangeder.]] Sara: I'm choosing to look at this as material for my book deal. [[Sara's book is fortuitously entitled "My Struggle."]] [[Jane starts to say something...]] *About 50% of Jane's disquiet here is because she actually remembers something from middle school. Sara: What? Jane: Never mind. [[Beans, broken, keeps replaying the video over and over and over and over and over.]] * 6/21/2k9 BBolt keeps thorough records. Nobody Scores with Precise Documentation.

Nobody Scores with Precise Documentation.

[[Beans is overcome with manic joy.]]
Beans: Yes! I can never get enough of this

Jane: Yyup. Ya can't.

Beans: The PRECISE MOMENT
[[Beans pulls out his video-enabled cell phone.]]

Beans: At which Sara realizes her bank account is EMPTY

Beans: SQUEE!

[[We see Sara scream, squint in disbelief, scowl, then go white with fear + resignation.]]

[[Beans watches with undiluted joy.]]

[[Turns out, Beans, Jane, and Sara are all living under a bridge.]]
Sara: Thus leaving us with THREE people who can't PAY RENT

Sara's support network comes through big
[[Sara's mother Margaret is talking on a Bluetooth headset while driving]]
Margaret: HA Eat it up loser
Sara: Mom, that's just unseemly.

Sara: I can't even get rid of you people when I'm homeless
Beans: Pass the Thai curry Jane

[[Beans enhances his shoe-dining experience with curry flavor, and watches the video again and again, growing derangeder and derangeder.]]

Sara: I'm choosing to look at this as material for my book deal.

[[Sara's book is fortuitously entitled "My Struggle."]]

[[Jane starts to say something...]]
*About 50% of Jane's disquiet here is because she actually remembers something from middle school.

Sara: What?
Jane: Never mind.
[[Beans, broken, keeps replaying the video over and over and over and over and over.]]
* 6/21/2k9 BBolt keeps thorough records.]]> Nobody Scores in the Uncanny Valley http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=504 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=504 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:09:28 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=504">Nobody Scores in the Uncanny Valley</a> [[Jane's bedroom door, closed. Record poster (sleeve?): "Bonethug -n- Harmony".]] Jane (from behind the door): MUHHNNNN GODdamn [[Beans on the couch playing a video game.]] <<pew pew headshot>> Jane (off-panel): You know, Jello shots, I was done with that shit when I was fourteen, I said [[Jane enters. Her entire mouth is rotated 90 degrees to the left.]] <<respawn pew pew>> Jane: And Summer says "But have you had the Jello Pudding Pop shot experience I got these 1987 vintage from eBay we can get fucked up Bill Cosby style" - and, yup - Iii feel like shit. [[Beans glances up.]] [[Beans has scrambled madly off the couch, upsetting cushions and TV in his haste, and is cowering at the edge of the room.]] Jane: What? Nobody Scores in the Uncanny Valley. [[Beans holds a mirror up for Jane.]] Jane: Okay - that is - um - Beans: I know what you did. Jane: Whatever. I should get to enjoy my twenties without mysterious shit enfuckulating my anatomy - I have simple desires Beans: You drank yourself - smack into the UNCANNY VALLEY! Jane: But I always do that Beans: Nononono - the Uncanny Valley is where things get just close enough to real to be seriously disturbing [[Illustrative pictures of a sex doll, a stuffed animal, and a US bank.]] [[He places his hands on Jane's shoulders concernedly.]] Beans: What I don't know is how to cure it! [[Jane goggles. It's happened to him, too.]] [[She cowers ten feet away.]] Jane: AAAAAA - stop TALKING [[Mirror.]] Beans: Oh, NO. Intermission! [[Miniatures of Jane and Beans trying to cope with their situation physically, i.e., the ways and means of drinking from cups.]] Sara: I sense shenanigans I do not want further information about Jane: Sara we need your help Sara: EEEEEE further information further information Jane: We've decided we can only reverse this by consuming more Jell-O Pudding Pop shots! Reapplying the catalyst only makes sense to us. Beans: I play video games! Jane: BUT. There is only one remaining stockpile of Jell-O Pudding Pops in the United States. * Sara also reacts violently to expository dialogue. [[Jane grasps Sara's shoulders.]] Jane: We need your dirty cunning and your dirty money. Sara: But- [[It's happened to her.]] Sara: ...why should I help you FREAKS? [[Mirror.]] [[Wearing face masks, they march to Sara's car.]] Sara: I will help you. Then I will kill you. At an unspecified date. You will not see it comin- Jane: We know Synth music! [[Action montage: White van. Grappling hook. Motorboat pursued by choppers. High-five. Pudding pops and smiling Bill Cosbys.]] and Triumph [[They still have twisted mouths, plus three-fingered hands and hideous tails.]] Beans: I'm pretty sure we made it out of the Uncanny Valley at least! Jane: Yay us we technically win [[Another Bill Cosby framed by:]] The End! * 6/18/2K9 BBolt is just a little bit off. Nobody Scores in the Uncanny Valley

[[Jane's bedroom door, closed. Record poster (sleeve?): "Bonethug -n- Harmony".]]
Jane (from behind the door): MUHHNNNN GODdamn

[[Beans on the couch playing a video game.]]
<>
Jane (off-panel): You know, Jello shots, I was done with that shit when I was fourteen, I said

[[Jane enters. Her entire mouth is rotated 90 degrees to the left.]]
<>
Jane: And Summer says "But have you had the Jello Pudding Pop shot experience I got these 1987 vintage from eBay we can get fucked up Bill Cosby style" - and, yup - Iii feel like shit.
[[Beans glances up.]]

[[Beans has scrambled madly off the couch, upsetting cushions and TV in his haste, and is cowering at the edge of the room.]]
Jane: What?

Nobody Scores in the Uncanny Valley.

[[Beans holds a mirror up for Jane.]]
Jane: Okay - that is - um -
Beans: I know what you did.

Jane: Whatever. I should get to enjoy my twenties without mysterious shit enfuckulating my anatomy - I have simple desires
Beans: You drank yourself - smack into the UNCANNY VALLEY!

Jane: But I always do that
Beans: Nononono - the Uncanny Valley is where things get just close enough to real to be seriously disturbing
[[Illustrative pictures of a sex doll, a stuffed animal, and a US bank.]]

[[He places his hands on Jane's shoulders concernedly.]]
Beans: What I don't know is how to cure it!
[[Jane goggles. It's happened to him, too.]]

[[She cowers ten feet away.]]
Jane: AAAAAA - stop TALKING

[[Mirror.]]
Beans: Oh, NO.

Intermission!
[[Miniatures of Jane and Beans trying to cope with their situation physically, i.e., the ways and means of drinking from cups.]]

Sara: I sense shenanigans I do not want further information about
Jane: Sara we need your help

Sara: EEEEEE further information further information

Jane: We've decided we can only reverse this by consuming more Jell-O Pudding Pop shots! Reapplying the catalyst only makes sense to us.
Beans: I play video games!
Jane: BUT. There is only one remaining stockpile of Jell-O Pudding Pops in the United States.
* Sara also reacts violently to expository dialogue.

[[Jane grasps Sara's shoulders.]]
Jane: We need your dirty cunning and your dirty money.
Sara: But-

[[It's happened to her.]]
Sara: ...why should I help you FREAKS?

[[Mirror.]]

[[Wearing face masks, they march to Sara's car.]]
Sara: I will help you. Then I will kill you. At an unspecified date. You will not see it comin-
Jane: We know

Synth music!
[[Action montage: White van. Grappling hook. Motorboat pursued by choppers. High-five. Pudding pops and smiling Bill Cosbys.]]

and Triumph

[[They still have twisted mouths, plus three-fingered hands and hideous tails.]]
Beans: I'm pretty sure we made it out of the Uncanny Valley at least!
Jane: Yay us we technically win

[[Another Bill Cosby framed by:]]
The End!

* 6/18/2K9 BBolt is just a little bit off.]]> Nobody Scores when it's all over in one. http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=502 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=502 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:08:53 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=502">Nobody Scores when it's all over in one.</a> Nobody Scores Ziggy: when it's all over in one. * Oh Internet person please I am not going to look up a reference for Ziggy that is just how he looks now [[Sara stares at Jane in fashionable clothes, sunglasses, a handbag, and a tiny leashed dog.]] Jane: This month I'll be your ladyfriend with the tiny yapdog and the pill addictions! I am so rad. [[Raoul emerges from the floor with a scythe.]] The culling begins [[Sara is on a street corner with two co-workers and luggage; one of them holds a sign "OK we need money now" and the other "Will work please". An alien-piloted UFO in the background, presumably the cause of the current economic collapse.]] Co-worker (to Sara): Our team will gladly be the "street team", you said. "Whatever it takes to save the company money", you said. [[Beans stands alone in an art gallery at a "Talk to the Artist" podium next to his masterpiece: a sculpture of himself with proper hair, shirt open, astride a rocket in flight; titled "True Life Experience". Everyone is studiously ignoring it except for an old man with cane.]] Old man: Ooh a rocket! So much for the Koons approach [[Raoul's department office. He stands in front of the copy machine, with sign reading "Policy - Save Boxton U money! 10 copies or less unless "U" have tenure! BU" - again wielding a scythe. [[The house is on fire; Beans and Jane sit forlorn on the curb with a few boxes. Jane comes up doing a dance in Hammer pants.]] Beans: No. Sara: No, that doesn't help at all. Nobody Scores when it's all over in one.

Nobody Scores
Ziggy: when
it's all over in one.
* Oh Internet person please I am not going to look up a reference for Ziggy that is just how he looks now

[[Sara stares at Jane in fashionable clothes, sunglasses, a handbag, and a tiny leashed dog.]]
Jane: This month I'll be your ladyfriend with the tiny yapdog and the pill addictions! I am so rad.
[[Raoul emerges from the floor with a scythe.]]
The culling begins

[[Sara is on a street corner with two co-workers and luggage; one of them holds a sign "OK we need money now" and the other "Will work please". An alien-piloted UFO in the background, presumably the cause of the current economic collapse.]]
Co-worker (to Sara): Our team will gladly be the "street team", you said. "Whatever it takes to save the company money", you said.

[[Beans stands alone in an art gallery at a "Talk to the Artist" podium next to his masterpiece: a sculpture of himself with proper hair, shirt open, astride a rocket in flight; titled "True Life Experience". Everyone is studiously ignoring it except for an old man with cane.]]
Old man: Ooh a rocket!
So much for the Koons approach

[[Raoul's department office. He stands in front of the copy machine, with sign reading "Policy - Save Boxton U money! 10 copies or less unless "U" have tenure! BU" - again wielding a scythe.

[[The house is on fire; Beans and Jane sit forlorn on the curb with a few boxes. Jane comes up doing a dance in Hammer pants.]]
Beans: No.
Sara: No, that doesn't help at all.]]> Nobody Scores doing the New Manual Labor!! http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=495 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=495 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:08:09 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=495">Nobody Scores doing the New Manual Labor!!</a> Nobody Scores doing the New Manual Labor!! [[Image of a hipster guy posing Rosie-the-Riveter style.]] [[Sara is laughing her ass off.]] Beans: I'm looking at it as a way of reconnecting the earning of money with the sweat of one's brow Beans: ...restoring an earthly nobility to the economic sphere! I'm coming to terms with it. [[Sara turns blue and loses her balance.]] [[In a parking lot near a ticket booth, Beans is on a cycle-rickshaw marked "The Original Hipster Rickshaw Company" schlepping along a family of four. He is sapped out.]] [[He takes them into "Lil' Veldt Free Range Safari Park".]] [[They are chased by an angry, toothy hippopotamus.]] {{hippo}} [[Back home, Sara continues to scream with laughter.]] Jane: How'd it go big money? [[Beans stalks into the darkness.]] Beans: Lost another one today. Civilians... just don't know how it feels. * 5/22/2K9 BBolt is driving this thing. Nobody Scores doing the New Manual Labor!!

Nobody Scores doing the New Manual Labor!!
[[Image of a hipster guy posing Rosie-the-Riveter style.]]

[[Sara is laughing her ass off.]]
Beans: I'm looking at it as a way of reconnecting the earning of money with the sweat of one's brow

Beans: ...restoring an earthly nobility to the economic sphere! I'm coming to terms with it.

[[Sara turns blue and loses her balance.]]

[[In a parking lot near a ticket booth, Beans is on a cycle-rickshaw marked "The Original Hipster Rickshaw Company" schlepping along a family of four. He is sapped out.]]

[[He takes them into "Lil' Veldt Free Range Safari Park".]]

[[They are chased by an angry, toothy hippopotamus.]] {{hippo}}

[[Back home, Sara continues to scream with laughter.]]
Jane: How'd it go big money?
[[Beans stalks into the darkness.]]
Beans: Lost another one today. Civilians... just don't know how it feels.
* 5/22/2K9 BBolt is driving this thing.]]> Nobody Scores in Maximum Battle Form http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=498 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=498 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:07:37 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=498">Nobody Scores in Maximum Battle Form</a> Nobody Scores in Maximum Battle Form. You'd think so, but no! [[Jane and Beans "cooking" in the kitchen, which is filled with smoke, toxic sludge, and tapirs.]] Jane: Hoo boy. Beans: I don't understand! These were supposed to be delicious rhubarb galettes. Sara: Where do the tapirs come it? That is where I am lost. [[Jane and Beans trudge off and return with mops and buckets.]] <<SPLORT!>> [[Their mops and, astoundingly, bucket contents are on fire. They are confronted with a foot-long green worm-like beast.]] Beast: HS! burrp Beans: Ooh those are some powerful stains! Jane: We may need swiffers for this yo - possibly shamwows! Modern Cleaning Technology at Work. [[With renewed determination, they return, armed with said modern cleaning technology.]] [[They retreat, covered in bruises, the swiffers in shards, the shamwows shredded or stuffed down Beans's gullet.]] [[They crawl helplessly to Sara, who is relaxing on the couch with the TV.]] Beans: SARA - it's... too much... we have to-- Sara: Not helping you with your crap Jane: But - it's beyond us - to finish this kitchenary menace we must resort to-- [[Suddenly she speaks in TV title style.]] Jane: MAXIMUM BATTLE FORM Jane: Nothing can withstand our maximum battle form! Woops sorry lost a tooth there. [[This tooth falls onto Sara's remote and bounces off.]] * Toof! [[Sara fortifies herself with wine.]] Sara: FIIIINE. Now it is time for some intelligent comics [[Giant blue mecha piloted by Beans.]] Beans: MAXIMUM [[Green; blotto, resigned Sara.]] Hapless bird (thinks): fuuuck! Sara: battle [[Red; blotto, hyper Jane.]] Jane: FORM!! Jane: This should teach that pesky kitchen - A LESSON IT WON'T FORGET forget {{echo}} * Mini-Jane: Yay! * Mini-Beans: See, it's probably sentient. [[Combined into MAXIMUM BATTLE FORM, their single blue-red-green giant robot aims its equally-giant energy sword at the house.]] Raoul: Could you say that again? I didn't hear you. Max power! [[Lava is spewing out of the smoldering ruins of the house. The robot, bewildered, tosses the energy sword away. The populace panics and runs.]] Jane: AW COME ON LAVA?! Who even HAS active magma an' shit just under their HOUSE man Sara: I can't really say I'm surprised here Beans: Quick! We can plug it with pieces of superhighway [[The robot continues to try to stem the flow, weeks later. The sky is dark and full of smoke and dust and the occasional falling lava chunk. Refugee camp and wreckage in the foreground.]] Adorable refugee child: But why can't Boogles be wif us too Mommy? Tragic refugee mother: Boogles is in a better place now, Tayden. NEXT: MAXIMUM BATTLE FORM: THE CASE OF THE BANK OVERDRAFTS And a rousing treatment of Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" + remarks on the "Copyfight" oh shit do I actually have to draw this * 5/31/2K9 BBolt solves his problems with enormous robots. Nobody Scores in Maximum Battle Form

Nobody Scores in Maximum Battle Form. You'd think so, but no!

[[Jane and Beans "cooking" in the kitchen, which is filled with smoke, toxic sludge, and tapirs.]]
Jane: Hoo boy.
Beans: I don't understand! These were supposed to be delicious rhubarb galettes.
Sara: Where do the tapirs come it? That is where I am lost.

[[Jane and Beans trudge off and return with mops and buckets.]]

<>

[[Their mops and, astoundingly, bucket contents are on fire. They are confronted with a foot-long green worm-like beast.]]
Beast: HS! burrp
Beans: Ooh those are some powerful stains!
Jane: We may need swiffers for this yo - possibly shamwows!

Modern Cleaning Technology at Work.
[[With renewed determination, they return, armed with said modern cleaning technology.]]

[[They retreat, covered in bruises, the swiffers in shards, the shamwows shredded or stuffed down Beans's gullet.]]

[[They crawl helplessly to Sara, who is relaxing on the couch with the TV.]]
Beans: SARA - it's... too much... we have to--
Sara: Not helping you with your crap
Jane: But - it's beyond us - to finish this kitchenary menace we must resort to--

[[Suddenly she speaks in TV title style.]]
Jane: MAXIMUM BATTLE FORM

Jane: Nothing can withstand our maximum battle form! Woops sorry lost a tooth there.
[[This tooth falls onto Sara's remote and bounces off.]]
* Toof!

[[Sara fortifies herself with wine.]]

Sara: FIIIINE.

Now it is time for some intelligent comics

[[Giant blue mecha piloted by Beans.]]
Beans: MAXIMUM

[[Green; blotto, resigned Sara.]]
Hapless bird (thinks): fuuuck!
Sara: battle

[[Red; blotto, hyper Jane.]]
Jane: FORM!!

Jane: This should teach that pesky kitchen - A LESSON IT WON'T FORGET forget {{echo}}
* Mini-Jane: Yay!
* Mini-Beans: See, it's probably sentient.

[[Combined into MAXIMUM BATTLE FORM, their single blue-red-green giant robot aims its equally-giant energy sword at the house.]]
Raoul: Could you say that again? I didn't hear you.

Max power!

[[Lava is spewing out of the smoldering ruins of the house. The robot, bewildered, tosses the energy sword away. The populace panics and runs.]]
Jane: AW COME ON LAVA?! Who even HAS active magma an' shit just under their HOUSE man
Sara: I can't really say I'm surprised here
Beans: Quick! We can plug it with pieces of superhighway

[[The robot continues to try to stem the flow, weeks later. The sky is dark and full of smoke and dust and the occasional falling lava chunk. Refugee camp and wreckage in the foreground.]]
Adorable refugee child: But why can't Boogles be wif us too Mommy?
Tragic refugee mother: Boogles is in a better place now, Tayden.

NEXT: MAXIMUM BATTLE FORM: THE CASE OF THE BANK OVERDRAFTS
And a rousing treatment of Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" + remarks on the "Copyfight"
oh shit do I actually have to draw this
* 5/31/2K9 BBolt solves his problems with enormous robots.]]> Nobody Scores around Crazy Cat Ladies http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=455 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=455 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:06:59 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=455">Nobody Scores around Crazy Cat Ladies</a> Nobody Scores around Crazy Cat Ladies. Jane: Yo Sara news alert I've chosen to embrace my future Sara (thinks): Dare I hope [[Jane fully opens the door to reveal several cats draped around her, the air thick with hairs, and some electronics around her neck.]] Jane: As a crazy cat lady! I've given up. I'm just going to accept it. [[Smiling, Sara picks up a golf club. A golf bag is behind her.]] * Looks like Sara has been networking again. Sara: That's nice - can I persuade you otherwise? Jane: Scary outside threat! Activate mechanism G! [[She clicks one of her buttons.]] [[A cat affixes itself to Sara's face.]] Sara: I - you - I'm confident you're doing it wrong. Jane: WRONG? [[A spring pops out of Jane's sleeve.]] Jane: IMPOSSIBLE! [[Jane straps on a transparent box full of cats.]] <<CHOOF!>> Jane: I have MADNESS and CATS on my side there IS NO WRONG anymore - also I have relativism I guess [[Sara removes the cat from her scratched face.]] <<poink.>> Sara: Um no see the term refers to women who resort only to their hordes of cats for com-- <<bonk>> <<fss!>> Jane: Yeah but FUCK THAT Jane: For example. Have you even considered whether "crazy" modified "lady" - or "cat"? [[She operates her machine. A rubber pipe dispenses a cat from the box into her hand.]] <<zt. BLOOP!>> Jane: Or BOTH Jane: I know that look it is the look of a mind that has been BLOWN <<gnar gnar>> * Jane must have a Q somewhere hidden behind the scenes. Horrifying! Someday I will draw him. [[Beans sits forlorn in a coffee shop, imagining himself as Snoopy the Flying Ace.]] [[Returns home.]] Beans: I have chosen to embrace my future as a crazy cat lady [[The room is filled with car hairs. Jane is bouncing off the walls behind a padlocked door; Beans's cats, some of which he is tearfully petting, have filled the room with hair once more.]] Sara: At least you understand basic tropes! [[The cat hair permeates to the first floor and Raoul.]] [[Dept. of Philosophy. Raoul's shirt is covered in cat hair. Three professors, all smiling, one covered in dog hairs, another in snake skins, the third in Pringles, face him.]] Professor: You're finally starting to fit in around here Mr. Walker! Raoul: Oh - good [[He imagines looking out at the open road, which is also surrounded by cat hair.]] * scrawled 2/5/2K9 by the big fat hairy BBolt. Kitty! Nobody Scores around Crazy Cat Ladies

Nobody Scores around Crazy Cat Ladies.

Jane: Yo Sara news alert I've chosen to embrace my future
Sara (thinks): Dare I hope

[[Jane fully opens the door to reveal several cats draped around her, the air thick with hairs, and some electronics around her neck.]]
Jane: As a crazy cat lady! I've given up. I'm just going to accept it.

[[Smiling, Sara picks up a golf club. A golf bag is behind her.]]
* Looks like Sara has been networking again.
Sara: That's nice - can I persuade you otherwise?
Jane: Scary outside threat! Activate mechanism G!
[[She clicks one of her buttons.]]

[[A cat affixes itself to Sara's face.]]

Sara: I - you - I'm confident you're doing it wrong.
Jane: WRONG?
[[A spring pops out of Jane's sleeve.]]

Jane: IMPOSSIBLE!

[[Jane straps on a transparent box full of cats.]]
<>
Jane: I have MADNESS and CATS on my side there IS NO WRONG anymore - also I have relativism I guess

[[Sara removes the cat from her scratched face.]]
<>

Sara: Um no see the term refers to women who resort only to their hordes of cats for com--
<>
<>

Jane: Yeah but FUCK THAT

Jane: For example. Have you even considered whether "crazy" modified "lady" - or "cat"?

[[She operates her machine. A rubber pipe dispenses a cat from the box into her hand.]]
<>
Jane: Or BOTH

Jane: I know that look it is the look of a mind that has been BLOWN
<>
* Jane must have a Q somewhere hidden behind the scenes. Horrifying! Someday I will draw him.

[[Beans sits forlorn in a coffee shop, imagining himself as Snoopy the Flying Ace.]]

[[Returns home.]]
Beans: I have chosen to embrace my future as a crazy cat lady

[[The room is filled with car hairs. Jane is bouncing off the walls behind a padlocked door; Beans's cats, some of which he is tearfully petting, have filled the room with hair once more.]]
Sara: At least you understand basic tropes!

[[The cat hair permeates to the first floor and Raoul.]]

[[Dept. of Philosophy. Raoul's shirt is covered in cat hair. Three professors, all smiling, one covered in dog hairs, another in snake skins, the third in Pringles, face him.]]
Professor: You're finally starting to fit in around here Mr. Walker!
Raoul: Oh - good
[[He imagines looking out at the open road, which is also surrounded by cat hair.]]
* scrawled 2/5/2K9 by the big fat hairy BBolt. Kitty!]]> Nobody Scores Faustian Style http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=491 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=491 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:06:39 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=491">Nobody Scores Faustian Style</a> Nobody Scores Faustian Style [[Jane is in a red-motif study with slick Mephistopheles in pinstripe. A candle in the foreground, a skull and bubbling bottle in the background. Old Scratch recoils.]] Satan: Oh god no! I don't want YOUR fricking soul! Jane: So you're just gonna give me fame an' fortune for free? That's pretty rad [[Lucifer ponders, guffaws silently, then rejects.]] The Devil: Ooooh I'M the one who's supposed to be doing the tempting - but NO. Beelzebub: You, Jane Doe may have fame and fortune beyond your wildest dreams [[Visions of minarets, Arabian Knights-style.]] * Read-along tip: Flaming word balloons are to be read in a death-metal growl! [[He leans in close.]] Old Nick: IF you successfully make a joke Prince of Darkness: Incorporating "ALF." [[He pulls out a plush Alf toy from his coat pocket.]] Asmodeus: Good luck! [[Sprouts horns.]] Hades: MUHU HAHA HAHA <<whoof!>> [[He disappears in a puff of smoke and flame.]] Jane: What the fuck is "Alf"? [[Jane collars Beans.]] Jane: OK Beans gotta grab you for a sec I need help with a little joke [[She is regaling him in the kitchen.]] Jane: And so then aftter he's done crapping all over the cancer ward he takes his sister and strips her naked on the table! So finally I ask, who are you people, and he says, "The Aristocrats" - and I'm all "O RLY" and he laughs all "You got me" Jane: And he takes off his mask [[Jane mimes creepy unveiling.]] [[Out comes the doll.]] Jane: Actually, we're the Alfs! [[She grins and points.]] [[Beans stares at the doll, motionless.]] [[He lolls back in his seat, blood dripping from eyes and mouth, breathing flame.]] [[He jumps on the table like a thing possessed, stabbing wildly at the doll.]] <<NNNNT>> Jane: Huh OK that's fair - probably could use a little work * If you cut Alf, does he not expel ichor? I ask you [[Beans turns to Jane with his knife.]] Beans: BLARARARGH Jane: Daa! Sara: Sounds like SOMEONE'S having a moment! [[Jane sits on a rock in the flaming caverns of hell, skulls and guns in foreground, across from the Son of the Morning.]] Jane: LORD will you shut the fuck up about Settlers of Catan it's bad enough that I have to play it for a hundred thousand years The Cloven-Hoofed One: But it's so deep! * Jane hates all board games ever, Settlers of Catan fans. Not with the knives! * condemned to a hellish existence 5/14/2K9 by BBolt. Nobody Scores Faustian Style

Nobody Scores Faustian Style

[[Jane is in a red-motif study with slick Mephistopheles in pinstripe. A candle in the foreground, a skull and bubbling bottle in the background. Old Scratch recoils.]]
Satan: Oh god no! I don't want YOUR fricking soul!
Jane: So you're just gonna give me fame an' fortune for free? That's pretty rad

[[Lucifer ponders, guffaws silently, then rejects.]]
The Devil: Ooooh I'M the one who's supposed to be doing the tempting - but NO.

Beelzebub: You, Jane Doe may have fame and fortune beyond your wildest dreams
[[Visions of minarets, Arabian Knights-style.]]
* Read-along tip: Flaming word balloons are to be read in a death-metal growl!

[[He leans in close.]]
Old Nick: IF you successfully make a joke

Prince of Darkness: Incorporating "ALF."
[[He pulls out a plush Alf toy from his coat pocket.]]

Asmodeus: Good luck!

[[Sprouts horns.]]
Hades: MUHU HAHA HAHA

<>
[[He disappears in a puff of smoke and flame.]]

Jane: What the fuck is "Alf"?

[[Jane collars Beans.]]
Jane: OK Beans gotta grab you for a sec I need help with a little joke

[[She is regaling him in the kitchen.]]

Jane: And so then aftter he's done crapping all over the cancer ward he takes his sister and strips her naked on the table! So finally I ask, who are you people, and he says, "The Aristocrats" - and I'm all "O RLY" and he laughs all "You got me"

Jane: And he takes off his mask
[[Jane mimes creepy unveiling.]]

[[Out comes the doll.]]
Jane: Actually, we're the Alfs!

[[She grins and points.]]

[[Beans stares at the doll, motionless.]]

[[He lolls back in his seat, blood dripping from eyes and mouth, breathing flame.]]

[[He jumps on the table like a thing possessed, stabbing wildly at the doll.]]
<>
Jane: Huh OK that's fair - probably could use a little work
* If you cut Alf, does he not expel ichor? I ask you

[[Beans turns to Jane with his knife.]]
Beans: BLARARARGH
Jane: Daa!
Sara: Sounds like SOMEONE'S having a moment!

[[Jane sits on a rock in the flaming caverns of hell, skulls and guns in foreground, across from the Son of the Morning.]]
Jane: LORD will you shut the fuck up about Settlers of Catan it's bad enough that I have to play it for a hundred thousand years
The Cloven-Hoofed One: But it's so deep!
* Jane hates all board games ever, Settlers of Catan fans. Not with the knives!

* condemned to a hellish existence 5/14/2K9 by BBolt.]]> Nobody Scores in zangy new flavors http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=484 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=484 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:06:13 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=484">Nobody Scores in zangy new flavors</a> Nobody Scores in zangy new flavors *Zangy! Zangy. Zangy. Zangy? Zangy! Zangy [[Sara and Jane in the chip aisle of the supermarket.]] Sara: Buffalo wings! Jane: Sour cream and guacamole! * You scoff, but you won't when this word totally appears on chip packaging news month. Sara: Ooh! Sara: Lobster bisque and spinach souffle! Jane: Dude I dunno that seems a little ambitious for a potato chip Worn-down pensionless elderly store employee: Why not try a sample Jane: Hmm - right [[Jane pops open a can of bean dip.]] <<POP>> Jane: Sorry I gotta validate the chip-status of your alleged "chips" - I'm just not sure of the chemistry here [[She looks determinedly at the prospect.]] Jane: This shit fizzes, and I'm OUT. [[The chip touches the dip, and sparks.]] [[The grocery store has been consumed by a gargantuan mass of unformed yet living flesh. Sara and Jane have been thrown a distance away in the initial explosion; Sara is half-shoed and annoyed. Raoul is getting into his car from another store.]] Raoul: Man - <<SNIFF>> - something smells DELICIOUS! Nobody Scores in zangy new flavors

Nobody Scores in zangy new flavors
*Zangy! Zangy. Zangy. Zangy? Zangy! Zangy
[[Sara and Jane in the chip aisle of the supermarket.]]
Sara: Buffalo wings!
Jane: Sour cream and guacamole!
* You scoff, but you won't when this word totally appears on chip packaging news month.

Sara: Ooh!

Sara: Lobster bisque and spinach souffle!
Jane: Dude I dunno that seems a little ambitious for a potato chip

Worn-down pensionless elderly store employee: Why not try a sample
Jane: Hmm - right

[[Jane pops open a can of bean dip.]]
<>
Jane: Sorry I gotta validate the chip-status of your alleged "chips" - I'm just not sure of the chemistry here

[[She looks determinedly at the prospect.]]

Jane: This shit fizzes, and I'm OUT.

[[The chip touches the dip, and sparks.]]

[[The grocery store has been consumed by a gargantuan mass of unformed yet living flesh. Sara and Jane have been thrown a distance away in the initial explosion; Sara is half-shoed and annoyed. Raoul is getting into his car from another store.]]
Raoul: Man - <> - something smells DELICIOUS!]]> Nobody Scores with futcha vision. http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=497 http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=497 Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:05:44 -0000 <a href="http://nobodyscores.loosenutstudio.com/index.php?id=497">Nobody Scores with futcha vision.</a> Nobody Scores with futcha vision. * Futcha! [[A behatted professor is demonstrating some nifty tech to Raoul in his office.]] Raoul: I think I know that feeling, Professor Styles... it's... hope! Styles: Digital overlays - it's the future, you just can't stop it. * Associate professor Julian Styles, Compsci. Likes things that go boop. (his words) Styles: Now, check these - and don't laugh [[He picks up a pair of futuristic glasses.]] [[He demonstrates them, and is suddenly surrounded by microchips.]] Raoul: Styles, are those seriously - Styles: VR goggles have come a long way! These project dynamically generated information from the internet upon real-world objects - exponentially augmenting the flow of information! [[Raoul looks through the glasses, and sees all faces and other objects in his field of vision transformed into bare butts.]] Raoul: Less hope now. [[Styles examines the glasses.]] Styles: Hmm - lemme press the calibration button - one click! Styles: Now try. [[They are now butts with stormtrooper helmets atop them.]] Styles: you can't stop it! Now - try out the tactile interactivity glove - THE FUTCHA IS COMIN' ON * prognosticamated 5/27/2K9. BBolt can see it now. my eyes are sad Nobody Scores with futcha vision.

Nobody Scores with futcha vision.
* Futcha!

[[A behatted professor is demonstrating some nifty tech to Raoul in his office.]]
Raoul: I think I know that feeling, Professor Styles... it's... hope!
Styles: Digital overlays - it's the future, you just can't stop it.
* Associate professor Julian Styles, Compsci. Likes things that go boop. (his words)
Styles: Now, check these - and don't laugh

[[He picks up a pair of futuristic glasses.]]

[[He demonstrates them, and is suddenly surrounded by microchips.]]

Raoul: Styles, are those seriously -
Styles: VR goggles have come a long way! These project dynamically generated information from the internet upon real-world objects - exponentially augmenting the flow of information!

[[Raoul looks through the glasses, and sees all faces and other objects in his field of vision transformed into bare butts.]]

Raoul: Less hope now.

[[Styles examines the glasses.]]
Styles: Hmm - lemme press the calibration button - one click!

Styles: Now try.

[[They are now butts with stormtrooper helmets atop them.]]

Styles: you can't stop it! Now - try out the tactile interactivity glove -

THE FUTCHA IS COMIN' ON
* prognosticamated 5/27/2K9. BBolt can see it now. my eyes are sad]]>