Nerdcore: The Core Wars - latest additions

Nerdcore: The Core Wars - latest additions http://piratejesus.com The latest transcribed Nerdcore: The Core Wars comics, powered by OhNoRobot.com en-us Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:10:02 -0000 60 Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #179: Chronotron Prolog http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/179.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/179.html Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:08:45 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/179.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #179: Chronotron Prolog</a> [[In front of a large blue box]] Professor Flux: Chronotron! Come here. I need you! Chronotron: Yes Professor Flux? What is it? Professor Flux: It's my greatest invention, that's what it is! Chronotron: A Port-O-Potty? Professor Flux: It's a TIME POD! It digitizes time allowing you to pause, skip, replay, or even loop time! Chronotron: NEAT! Professor Flux: Unfortunately, I'm too old to get much use out of the thing. I need you to take it back in time and give it to me when I was 18. Chronotron: Won't that change history? Professor Flux: I also need you to give my past self these blueprints that explain how to invent the Time Pod, so I don't have to take so long to make it and send it back to my past self. Chronotron: I don't think that's ethical... Professor Flux: Also give my past self this sack of money. Chronotron: Hey don't forget to invent me. Professor Flux: Oh yes. Here's the plans to invent you, and also a sports almanac so I can cheat at gambling. Chronotron: But... Professor Flux: Get a move on Chronotron! The past isn't going to change itself! Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #179: Chronotron Prolog

[[In front of a large blue box]]
Professor Flux: Chronotron! Come here. I need you!
Chronotron: Yes Professor Flux? What is it?
Professor Flux: It's my greatest invention, that's what it is!
Chronotron: A Port-O-Potty?
Professor Flux: It's a TIME POD! It digitizes time allowing you to pause, skip, replay, or even loop time!
Chronotron: NEAT!
Professor Flux: Unfortunately, I'm too old to get much use out of the thing. I need you to take it back in time and give it to me when I was 18.
Chronotron: Won't that change history?
Professor Flux: I also need you to give my past self these blueprints that explain how to invent the Time Pod, so I don't have to take so long to make it and send it back to my past self.
Chronotron: I don't think that's ethical...
Professor Flux: Also give my past self this sack of money.
Chronotron: Hey don't forget to invent me.
Professor Flux: Oh yes. Here's the plans to invent you, and also a sports almanac so I can cheat at gambling.
Chronotron: But...
Professor Flux: Get a move on Chronotron! The past isn't going to change itself!]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #178: Dungeon Master http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/178.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/178.html Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:04:51 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/178.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #178: Dungeon Master</a> [[Outside the escape pod Abraxas' astral projection is talking to Neuton, who's giant, smug face is plastered across the pod he's inhabiting. ]] Abraxas: Nice work Neuton, now I... [[The astral spirit of Gary Gygax has joined them. Abraxas looks pleasantly surprised.]] Abraxas: Gary Gygax? Gary Gygax: Oh, hi there, 12th level Drow Necromancer. [[Boccob, a human in purple robes with long white hair has joined them.]] Abraxas: What are you doing here? Gary Gygax: Boccob the Uncaring is just showing me around the multiverse. Boccob: I'm taking Mr. Gygax to all the different worlds that wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for him. You know, Final Fantasy, Shadowrun, Warhammer, Warcraft, Lodoss, OotS, et cetera et cetera. Gary Gygax: We can't stay here long. We're taking a Spelljammer to Eberron. Boccob is going to buy me a riding dromaeosaur. Abraxas: That's very nice of you, Boccob the Uncaring. Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #178: Dungeon Master

[[Outside the escape pod Abraxas' astral projection is talking to Neuton, who's giant, smug face is plastered across the pod he's inhabiting. ]]
Abraxas: Nice work Neuton, now I...

[[The astral spirit of Gary Gygax has joined them. Abraxas looks pleasantly surprised.]]
Abraxas: Gary Gygax?
Gary Gygax: Oh, hi there, 12th level Drow Necromancer.

[[Boccob, a human in purple robes with long white hair has joined them.]]
Abraxas: What are you doing here?
Gary Gygax: Boccob the Uncaring is just showing me around the multiverse.

Boccob: I'm taking Mr. Gygax to all the different worlds that wouldn't have existed if it wasn't for him. You know, Final Fantasy, Shadowrun, Warhammer, Warcraft, Lodoss, OotS, et cetera et cetera.

Gary Gygax: We can't stay here long. We're taking a Spelljammer to Eberron. Boccob is going to buy me a riding dromaeosaur.

Abraxas: That's very nice of you, Boccob the Uncaring.]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #177: Podcatching http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/177.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/177.html Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:04:50 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/177.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #177: Podcatching</a> [[Outside the pirate ship's escape pod, the astrally projected spirits of Abraxas, Skatha, and Neuton are formulating a plan... or they would be if it hadn't taken forever to explain to Skatha. Neuton, wearing a rather evil grin, is heading for the pod.]] Skatha: So a Lictor is a body-guard who protects politically powerful clerics from assassination and has nothing to do with licking anyone? Abraxas: Yes, I think you've finally got it. [[Inside the escape pod, Gringeldt and Chainy are standing in front of the control board.]] Chainy: Computer, set a course for the nearest inhabited world or spaceport. Computer voice: Self-destruct sequence activated! This pod will detonate in 60 seconds. [[The pod passengers are understandably distressed.]] Chainy: What? No! Cancel! Abort! Undo! Computer voice: I assure you, this is not undue. You killed me, Chainy. I'm just returning the favor. Chainy: Neuton! You're alive? Neuton: Not especially, no. Hence the whole vengeful spirit angle. I wasn't kidding about the self-destruct. Chainy: Gringeldt, you're my bodyguard! Do something! Gringeldt: What am I supposed to do? Chainy: I don't know. ANYTHING! [[Gringeldt has leaned over and is licking Chainy.]] <<lick>> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #177: Podcatching

[[Outside the pirate ship's escape pod, the astrally projected spirits of Abraxas, Skatha, and Neuton are formulating a plan... or they would be if it hadn't taken forever to explain to Skatha. Neuton, wearing a rather evil grin, is heading for the pod.]]
Skatha: So a Lictor is a body-guard who protects politically powerful clerics from assassination and has nothing to do with licking anyone?
Abraxas: Yes, I think you've finally got it.

[[Inside the escape pod, Gringeldt and Chainy are standing in front of the control board.]]
Chainy: Computer, set a course for the nearest inhabited world or spaceport.
Computer voice: Self-destruct sequence activated! This pod will detonate in 60 seconds.

[[The pod passengers are understandably distressed.]]
Chainy: What? No! Cancel! Abort! Undo!
Computer voice: I assure you, this is not undue. You killed me, Chainy. I'm just returning the favor.

Chainy: Neuton! You're alive?
Neuton: Not especially, no. Hence the whole vengeful spirit angle. I wasn't kidding about the self-destruct.

Chainy: Gringeldt, you're my bodyguard! Do something!
Gringeldt: What am I supposed to do?

Chainy: I don't know. ANYTHING!

[[Gringeldt has leaned over and is licking Chainy.]]
<>]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #176: I Hardly Know Her! http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/176.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/176.html Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:04:49 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/176.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #176: I Hardly Know Her!</a> http://www.piratejesus.com/nerdcore/176.html [[Inside the control room Abraxas is standing near Neuton. Neuton is holding two censors and inhabitting the body of a cyber zombie ogre.]] Neuton: Abraxas! You made it! Abraxas: Neuton? It that you? Where's Chainy. [[Neuton is examining one of the censors and letting the other rest on the floor.]] Neuton: According to my censers, he's that way. Abraxas: Great, we're going haunting. [[Skatha and Tim have joined the others.]] Abraxas: Are you two mages? Do you know Astral Projection? Skatha: ...yeah. [[Tim is holding some sort of board or screen with a picture of stacked cubes colored red green and yellow.]] Tim: Like this? Skatha: No, that's Isometric Projection Tim: Oh, then I guess I don't. [[The glowing and slightly see through spirits of Neuton, Abraxas, and Skatha are soaring through space.]] Abraxas: The warlock is mine. Neuton, you take the escape pod. Skatha, The warlock's lictor. [[Skatha looks a bit horrified.]] Skatha: What warlocks licked me? When? [[They've all stopped soaring to try to explain things...]] Neuton: No, she means the big troll bodyguard. Skatha: The big troll bodyguard licked me? [[Skatha's gesturing at Abraxas, who's rolling her eyes.]] Neuton: No, lictor! Skatha: Her? Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #176: I Hardly Know Her!

http://www.piratejesus.com/nerdcore/176.html

[[Inside the control room Abraxas is standing near Neuton. Neuton is holding two censors and inhabitting the body of a cyber zombie ogre.]]
Neuton: Abraxas! You made it!
Abraxas: Neuton? It that you? Where's Chainy.

[[Neuton is examining one of the censors and letting the other rest on the floor.]]
Neuton: According to my censers, he's that way.
Abraxas: Great, we're going haunting.

[[Skatha and Tim have joined the others.]]
Abraxas: Are you two mages? Do you know Astral Projection?
Skatha: ...yeah.

[[Tim is holding some sort of board or screen with a picture of stacked cubes colored red green and yellow.]]
Tim: Like this?
Skatha: No, that's Isometric Projection
Tim: Oh, then I guess I don't.

[[The glowing and slightly see through spirits of Neuton, Abraxas, and Skatha are soaring through space.]]
Abraxas: The warlock is mine. Neuton, you take the escape pod. Skatha, The warlock's lictor.

[[Skatha looks a bit horrified.]]
Skatha: What warlocks licked me? When?

[[They've all stopped soaring to try to explain things...]]
Neuton: No, she means the big troll bodyguard.
Skatha: The big troll bodyguard licked me?

[[Skatha's gesturing at Abraxas, who's rolling her eyes.]]
Neuton: No, lictor!
Skatha: Her?]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #175: Rock Banned http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/175.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/175.html Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:05:26 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/175.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #175: Rock Banned</a> [[It appears that the Rock Goblin Horde have captured a nefarious masked figure in robes outside a forest near a road. Pazdo and A'Kwuh are both there, as well as two other un-named goblins, one female and one male.]] Un-named male goblin: All right gang? Let's see who this creepy phantom really is! [[The un-named male goblin is now holding the deflated mask/hood. The body of the nefarious figure does not appear to have a head.]] Un-named female goblin: There's nothing there! A'Kwuh: That's right! The Phantom was just vaporware all along! [[The goblins are heading off to the right. The corner of a green hover-van is just visible off the right side.]] Pazdo: Well, another schway mystery solved by the Rock Goblin Horde! A'Kwuh: Great! I still have plenty of time to write a new routine in C# for my keytar. [[A'Kwuh and the female goblin are right next to the van now. A large red R is visible on the van's side. I'm forced to assume this must be their "Goblin Rock Van" or some other such silly thing.]] Un-named female goblin: Is that a key or a programming language? A'Kwuh: Both! Un-named female goblin: Wow! Can I join your band? I can play the holophoner! A'Kwuh: Hey come in the back of the van and you can audition. Un-named female goblin: Okay! [[Pazdo and the un-named male goblin are still standing out on the verge of the road.]] Pazdo: That's not fair! This is my band! Why do all the chicks think A'Kwuh is so punk rock? Un-named male goblin: Your band? You're not even a real musician, you're a Jester! Pazdo: Yeah but I own the wireless microphone. That makes me the singer! [[Both of them are getting a bit agitated.]] Un-named male goblin: But you don't even really sing, you just kind of say some poetry to a rhythm. What the dreck is that? Pazdo(, singing?): I don't think it's a bad thing- Pazdo(, singing?): that you find it baffling [[Pazdo is totally rocking out now, and three halflings have shown up to watch him.]] Pazdo(, singing?): My rapping's Pazdo(, singing?): attracting Pazdo(, singing?): a gathering Pazdo(, singing?): of halflings. [[Everyone is gathered around Pazdo, who is somehow standing on one hand and still managing to sing into the microphone, which is balanced on the ground.]] Pazdo(, singing?): And I'm multiclassing, Pazdo(, singing?): -though I heard it was hard Pazdo(, singing?): as a nerd-core-hip-hop-techno-bard! Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #175: Rock Banned

[[It appears that the Rock Goblin Horde have captured a nefarious masked figure in robes outside a forest near a road. Pazdo and A'Kwuh are both there, as well as two other un-named goblins, one female and one male.]]
Un-named male goblin: All right gang? Let's see who this creepy phantom really is!

[[The un-named male goblin is now holding the deflated mask/hood. The body of the nefarious figure does not appear to have a head.]]
Un-named female goblin: There's nothing there!
A'Kwuh: That's right! The Phantom was just vaporware all along!

[[The goblins are heading off to the right. The corner of a green hover-van is just visible off the right side.]]
Pazdo: Well, another schway mystery solved by the Rock Goblin Horde!
A'Kwuh: Great! I still have plenty of time to write a new routine in C# for my keytar.

[[A'Kwuh and the female goblin are right next to the van now. A large red R is visible on the van's side. I'm forced to assume this must be their "Goblin Rock Van" or some other such silly thing.]]
Un-named female goblin: Is that a key or a programming language?
A'Kwuh: Both!
Un-named female goblin: Wow! Can I join your band? I can play the holophoner!

A'Kwuh: Hey come in the back of the van and you can audition.
Un-named female goblin: Okay!

[[Pazdo and the un-named male goblin are still standing out on the verge of the road.]]
Pazdo: That's not fair! This is my band! Why do all the chicks think A'Kwuh is so punk rock?
Un-named male goblin: Your band? You're not even a real musician, you're a Jester!
Pazdo: Yeah but I own the wireless microphone. That makes me the singer!

[[Both of them are getting a bit agitated.]]
Un-named male goblin: But you don't even really sing, you just kind of say some poetry to a rhythm. What the dreck is that?
Pazdo(, singing?): I don't think it's a bad thing-
Pazdo(, singing?): that you find it baffling

[[Pazdo is totally rocking out now, and three halflings have shown up to watch him.]]
Pazdo(, singing?): My rapping's
Pazdo(, singing?): attracting
Pazdo(, singing?): a gathering
Pazdo(, singing?): of halflings.

[[Everyone is gathered around Pazdo, who is somehow standing on one hand and still managing to sing into the microphone, which is balanced on the ground.]]
Pazdo(, singing?): And I'm multiclassing,
Pazdo(, singing?): -though I heard it was hard
Pazdo(, singing?): as a nerd-core-hip-hop-techno-bard!]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #174: Incensed http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/174.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/174.html Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:05:25 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/174.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #174: Incensed</a> [[Therin and Neuton, in the cyberzombie body, are standing near the space ship control computer.]] Neuton: Most of the escape pods have been recovered, but Chainy got away. Therin: What do you mean got away? We need to find him! Check the sensors! Neuton: Why? Therin: To see if they can detect Chainy's escape pod! Neuton: They can do that? Therin: Yes! Of course! Neuton: Okay... [[Neuton, in the cyberzombie body, is standing alone and holding two gold looking censers, of the sort that might be used in religious ceremonies.]] Neuton: Oh magic censers of location, please show me where Chainy is. [[Purple smoke is wafting up from the censers.]] [[Neuton is back over by Therin. The censers continue emitting purple smoke.]] Neuton: The incense is pointing 42° corewards, 102° above, and 15° counterspinwards. Therin: That's not what I... Neuton: What? Therin: Nevermind, whatever works. I'll have Sterling set a course. [[Sterling's icon is now being projected onto a holo-screen with a green background above the computer.]] Sterling: I'm surprised at you, Therin! Therin: What? Sterling: You shouldn't be so quick to give into censership! Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #174: Incensed

[[Therin and Neuton, in the cyberzombie body, are standing near the space ship control computer.]]
Neuton: Most of the escape pods have been recovered, but Chainy got away.
Therin: What do you mean got away? We need to find him! Check the sensors!

Neuton: Why?
Therin: To see if they can detect Chainy's escape pod!
Neuton: They can do that?
Therin: Yes! Of course!
Neuton: Okay...

[[Neuton, in the cyberzombie body, is standing alone and holding two gold looking censers, of the sort that might be used in religious ceremonies.]]
Neuton: Oh magic censers of location, please show me where Chainy is.

[[Purple smoke is wafting up from the censers.]]

[[Neuton is back over by Therin. The censers continue emitting purple smoke.]]
Neuton: The incense is pointing 42° corewards, 102° above, and 15° counterspinwards.

Therin: That's not what I...
Neuton: What?
Therin: Nevermind, whatever works. I'll have Sterling set a course.

[[Sterling's icon is now being projected onto a holo-screen with a green background above the computer.]]
Sterling: I'm surprised at you, Therin!
Therin: What?

Sterling: You shouldn't be so quick to give into censership!]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #173: Annelid Androids http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/173.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/173.html Fri, 08 Feb 2008 17:30:25 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/173.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #173: Annelid Androids</a> [[Somewhere in Kaimaera Corp, Abraxus, Buttons, Liu-xi, one of the male Shaolin Monkeys, the robot army, and yet another Knight of the Living Dead are all standing around near a cream colored portal arch that looks just like the one in Von Feastys. The robots are still all hearts and smiles for the two monkeys. Abraxus about to drink some sort of purple liquid from a flask.]] Abraxus: I'm actually kind of surprised that kind of charm enchantment works on Robots. Wouldn't it have to be some kind of Technomancy? Robot: ACTUALLY KAIMAERA CORP ANDROIDS HAVE PARTIALLY ORGANIC BRAINS. [[The portal is glowing with a blue light. One of Abraxus' hands is glowing a matching blue and the other is glowing red. He seems to be concentrating on his spell. The flask is sitting on the floor near him, with only a small amount of the purple liquid left in it.]] Buttons: So the other part uses pesticides? Robot: NO. I MEAN WE HAVE LIVING NEURONS SUSPENDED IN A SUCROSE SOLUTION INTEGRATED INTO OUR DIGITAL MINDS. THEY MAKE ADAPTIVE LEARNING AND PATTERN RECOGNITION POSSIBLE AT A MUCH MORE MASSIVE PARALLEL RATE. [[Both the gate and Abraxus are glowing red now. Abraxas is floating about a foot off the floor and he looks much darker than normal, as if he was standing in a deep shadow. His hood is down.]] Buttons: Oh, so you're part Anthropoid like us? Robot: NO THERE S NO NEED TO USE NEURONS FROM A SAPIENT SPECIES. WE ACTUALLY HAVE LEECH NEURONS BECAUSE THEY'RE BIGGER WHICH MAKES THEM EASIER TO CONNECT TO THE DIGITAL PARTS OF OUR BRAINS. [[The Knight of the Living Dead, distracted by the conversation has moved away from the monkeys to talk to Buttons and the robot she's speaking with. One of the robots, still with a heart over his head, is gnawing on the arm of the annoyed looking monkey monk/bouncer. The gate is back to a simple cream color and Abraxus is no longer glowing. Through the arch of the gate a small sliver of Von Feastys, including a bar stool, is visible.]] Knight of the Living Dead: OH! All this time I thought you guys had a massive software glitch, but that totally explains the salt-phobia! Monkey Bouncer: Also the hemophagia. Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #173: Annelid Androids

[[Somewhere in Kaimaera Corp, Abraxus, Buttons, Liu-xi, one of the male Shaolin Monkeys, the robot army, and yet another Knight of the Living Dead are all standing around near a cream colored portal arch that looks just like the one in Von Feastys. The robots are still all hearts and smiles for the two monkeys. Abraxus about to drink some sort of purple liquid from a flask.]]
Abraxus: I'm actually kind of surprised that kind of charm enchantment works on Robots. Wouldn't it have to be some kind of Technomancy?
Robot: ACTUALLY KAIMAERA CORP ANDROIDS HAVE PARTIALLY ORGANIC BRAINS.

[[The portal is glowing with a blue light. One of Abraxus' hands is glowing a matching blue and the other is glowing red. He seems to be concentrating on his spell. The flask is sitting on the floor near him, with only a small amount of the purple liquid left in it.]]
Buttons: So the other part uses pesticides?
Robot: NO. I MEAN WE HAVE LIVING NEURONS SUSPENDED IN A SUCROSE SOLUTION INTEGRATED INTO OUR DIGITAL MINDS. THEY MAKE ADAPTIVE LEARNING AND PATTERN RECOGNITION POSSIBLE AT A MUCH MORE MASSIVE PARALLEL RATE.

[[Both the gate and Abraxus are glowing red now. Abraxas is floating about a foot off the floor and he looks much darker than normal, as if he was standing in a deep shadow. His hood is down.]]
Buttons: Oh, so you're part Anthropoid like us?
Robot: NO THERE S NO NEED TO USE NEURONS FROM A SAPIENT SPECIES. WE ACTUALLY HAVE LEECH NEURONS BECAUSE THEY'RE BIGGER WHICH MAKES THEM EASIER TO CONNECT TO THE DIGITAL PARTS OF OUR BRAINS.

[[The Knight of the Living Dead, distracted by the conversation has moved away from the monkeys to talk to Buttons and the robot she's speaking with. One of the robots, still with a heart over his head, is gnawing on the arm of the annoyed looking monkey monk/bouncer. The gate is back to a simple cream color and Abraxus is no longer glowing. Through the arch of the gate a small sliver of Von Feastys, including a bar stool, is visible.]]
Knight of the Living Dead: OH! All this time I thought you guys had a massive software glitch, but that totally explains the salt-phobia!
Monkey Bouncer: Also the hemophagia.]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #172: We Recycle http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/172.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/172.html Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:57:47 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/172.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #172: We Recycle</a> [[Rupert, Higgins, and Ngphth are all inside a spaceship. Rupert and Higgins are both wearing some sort of fancy space suits complete with helmets and weird orange backpacks with coils of wire. Rupert is stylishly wearing his hat over the helmet.]] Higgins: Do you have your space suit on correctly, Rupert? Rupert: I think so, but I'm feeling a little woozy. Higgins: Me too, actually. What's in this drinking tube? Ngphth: Those suits were specially designed for long periods in space, or on desert planets like Arrakis or Tatooine. They recycle the wearer's sweat and urine into something more drinkable. Rupert: I'm drinking someone's pee? Higgins: Eugh! That's why we feel so sick! Ngphth: No no no! The suit filters out everything but the water, which it boils, then it adds yeast and corn syrup for flavor. It's the fermentation process making you woozy. Higgins: It's alcoholic? Rupert: Alcoholic pee! Ngphth: That's why they call it a stillsuit. Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #172: We Recycle

[[Rupert, Higgins, and Ngphth are all inside a spaceship. Rupert and Higgins are both wearing some sort of fancy space suits complete with helmets and weird orange backpacks with coils of wire. Rupert is stylishly wearing his hat over the helmet.]]
Higgins: Do you have your space suit on correctly, Rupert?

Rupert: I think so, but I'm feeling a little woozy.
Higgins: Me too, actually. What's in this drinking tube?

Ngphth: Those suits were specially designed for long periods in space, or on desert planets like Arrakis or Tatooine. They recycle the wearer's sweat and urine into something more drinkable.
Rupert: I'm drinking someone's pee?

Higgins: Eugh! That's why we feel so sick!
Ngphth: No no no! The suit filters out everything but the water, which it boils, then it adds yeast and corn syrup for flavor. It's the fermentation process making you woozy.

Higgins: It's alcoholic?
Rupert: Alcoholic pee!

Ngphth: That's why they call it a stillsuit.]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #171: Trolling for Bodies http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/171.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/171.html Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:56:54 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/171.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #171: Trolling for Bodies</a> [[In Von Feasty's, everyone... including the dwarves, P.J., Simon, Maple, Dirk, and Bloughoff... is gathered around the glowing gate. The Simon must be doing something magical, since his hands are glowing the same cream color as the gate. In side the gate there are some strange glowing symbols floating around, along with what looks like a glowing cream colored hammer poised above an anvil... actually it looks more like the sort of box you store comics in than an avil, but I'm guessing anvil. Dirk and Bloughoff are somewhat off to the side, looking happy to see each other.]] Dirk: Bloughoff! Bloughoff: Dirk! Where've you been? [[We are suddenly in some form of wacky astral space or something. The characters are all showing up as solid colored silhouette and the background is mostly a creamy mint green with a darker leafy green for the bar and bar stools. Most of the character's are shown as gray silhouettes, but Maple is a mint green silhouette and Simon's silhouette is white and appears to be glowing. Maybe he's got his bloom set too high. The gate is visible as well and looks exactly like it did in the real world. The biggest change however is that there are two black demonic forms standing on the bar. Perhaps they are Scooter and Chainy?]] Big Demon: OKAY, YOU TAKE THE HALFLING, I'LL TAKE THE TROLL. Little Imp: WHY DO YOU GET THE TROLL? [[The two demons have moved into the middle of the crowd beside the gate. The silhouettes don't appear to have moved.]] Big Demon: I'M MORE EXPERIENCED THAN YOU. POSSESSING A TROLL TAKES CERTAIN TALENTS. CORRUPTING A HALFLING IS MUCH MORE WITHIN YOUR ABILITIES. Little Imp: BUT I HATE CONTROLLING HOBBITS! [[The imp is looking at Dirk's silhouette with scorn.]] Big Demon: WHY? THEY'RE SO MUCH EASIER TO STEER THAN TROLLS. Little Imp: SURE, STEERING IS EASY, BUT A BAD HOBBIT IS HARD TO BRAKE. Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #171: Trolling for Bodies

[[In Von Feasty's, everyone... including the dwarves, P.J., Simon, Maple, Dirk, and Bloughoff... is gathered around the glowing gate. The Simon must be doing something magical, since his hands are glowing the same cream color as the gate. In side the gate there are some strange glowing symbols floating around, along with what looks like a glowing cream colored hammer poised above an anvil... actually it looks more like the sort of box you store comics in than an avil, but I'm guessing anvil. Dirk and Bloughoff are somewhat off to the side, looking happy to see each other.]]
Dirk: Bloughoff!
Bloughoff: Dirk! Where've you been?

[[We are suddenly in some form of wacky astral space or something. The characters are all showing up as solid colored silhouette and the background is mostly a creamy mint green with a darker leafy green for the bar and bar stools. Most of the character's are shown as gray silhouettes, but Maple is a mint green silhouette and Simon's silhouette is white and appears to be glowing. Maybe he's got his bloom set too high. The gate is visible as well and looks exactly like it did in the real world. The biggest change however is that there are two black demonic forms standing on the bar. Perhaps they are Scooter and Chainy?]]
Big Demon: OKAY, YOU TAKE THE HALFLING, I'LL TAKE THE TROLL.
Little Imp: WHY DO YOU GET THE TROLL?

[[The two demons have moved into the middle of the crowd beside the gate. The silhouettes don't appear to have moved.]]
Big Demon: I'M MORE EXPERIENCED THAN YOU. POSSESSING A TROLL TAKES CERTAIN TALENTS. CORRUPTING A HALFLING IS MUCH MORE WITHIN YOUR ABILITIES.
Little Imp: BUT I HATE CONTROLLING HOBBITS!

[[The imp is looking at Dirk's silhouette with scorn.]]
Big Demon: WHY? THEY'RE SO MUCH EASIER TO STEER THAN TROLLS.
Little Imp: SURE, STEERING IS EASY, BUT A BAD HOBBIT IS HARD TO BRAKE.]]> Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #170: G8 Summit http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/170.html http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/170.html Mon, 28 Jan 2008 21:55:52 -0000 <a href="http://piratejesus.com/nerdcore/170.html">Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #170: G8 Summit</a> [[In Von Feasty's, Maple is watching a bunch of dwarves, including P.J., set up some sort of glowing white arch. The arch has something written in runic and a crown with seven stars over it near the top. The sides of the arch look sort of like stylized trees.]] Maple: Let's hurry up and get this neighborhood evacuated! I'm excited! I've never been part of a gated community before! Dwarf in red shirt: We're just about set up here. We just need Simon and Abraxus to enchant their respective sides of the gate. [[Bloughoff has joined Maple.]] Bloughoff: Where'd you dwarves get all this equipment? P.J.: We use it for asteroid mining. It's much cheaper to transport ore through a dimensional gate than it is to ship it. Especially with antimatter costs as high as they are these days. [[Bloughoff looks a bit confused.]] Bloughoff: An ore gate? Are you sure it works on people too? P.J.: Sure! It's not an exclusive ore gate. Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #170: G8 Summit

[[In Von Feasty's, Maple is watching a bunch of dwarves, including P.J., set up some sort of glowing white arch. The arch has something written in runic and a crown with seven stars over it near the top. The sides of the arch look sort of like stylized trees.]]
Maple: Let's hurry up and get this neighborhood evacuated! I'm excited! I've never been part of a gated community before!
Dwarf in red shirt: We're just about set up here. We just need Simon and Abraxus to enchant their respective sides of the gate.

[[Bloughoff has joined Maple.]]
Bloughoff: Where'd you dwarves get all this equipment?
P.J.: We use it for asteroid mining. It's much cheaper to transport ore through a dimensional gate than it is to ship it. Especially with antimatter costs as high as they are these days.

[[Bloughoff looks a bit confused.]]
Bloughoff: An ore gate? Are you sure it works on people too?
P.J.: Sure! It's not an exclusive ore gate.]]>