Nerdcore: The Core Wars - latest additions

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #151: I Bet His Girlfriend's Name is Dawn of the Dead

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #151: I Bet His Girlfriend's Name is Dawn of the Dead

[[Back in Von Feasty's, the black knight is is hanging around entangled in some vines. He's watching some sort of floating video projection.]]
Black Knight: MWA HA HA HA HA!

[[Simon the Rabbi, curious about what's going on, has come over by the Black Knight and turned on the TriD display.]]
Simon: What are you laughing at? Some new pictures of cats with amusing captions?
Black Knight: Yes, actually. Would you like to see?
TriD display: Receiving channel data

[[In a gray room, Buttons, Liu-xi, and the monkey/monk-bouncer are all tied up with some sort of glowing blue rope. The ropes are being held by some red and black robots, like the ones that attacked Von Feasty's about a million comics ago.]]
Buttons: HALP!

[[Von Feasty has come over and seen Buttons and co. on the display.]]
Von Feasty: Buttons! They've captured her!
Black Knight: What did you expect? You should have just sent an email. That way it would not have cost you three furries to find out I'm expendable!

[[Von Feasty looks pretty pissed.]]
Simon: Expendable? I thought you were The Knight of the Living Dead!
Black Knight: Yes, but I'm a remake.

[[Back in the gray walled place, the robots are pushing Buttons around.]]
Robot: KEEP THE LINE MOVING MUTANT
Buttons: Hey! Quit shoving!

[[Back in Von Feasty's, Von Feasty is casting a spell with a swirlling green aura. It appears to be causing large bitey looking plant mouths to sprout from the vines around the black knight. The black knight doesn't seem very happy about this turn of events.]]
Von Feasty: They can't do that to my waitress! So help me Gia, I'll make KAIMAERA pay for this!

[[Xyzzy has come over to stand by Simon.]]
Xyzzy: Ha ha Mr. Von Feasty! Those robots sure know to push your Buttons!

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #150: Flak from the Frak Attack

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #150: Flak from the Frak Attack

[[Abraxas is lying on the ground with what looks like it might be a black eye. A battered looking Abraxus, still looking like Coeila, is sitting nearby.]]
Abraxas: Euuuugh, ouch!
Abraxus: Hey, don't complain, sis. At least I realized that "frak" could also mean "beat into, a bloody pulp" in time!

[[Winda has approached with Abraxus' robes.]]
Abraxas: Yeah.
Winda: It's just too bad you didn't realize it until halfway through all the sex.

[[Zeke and ghoulified Mendelev are standing by The Chair. Zeke isn't wearing his shirt.]]
Zeke: Well, that was interesting, but now I've got the Necronomicorp Throne of Power, and I've transferred the new DeathStar Core AI back into the NecroStar Corporate Network. I've got everything I wanted, so I'll be leaving you all here.

[[Chainy, who's not wearing his shirt, approaches Zeke. Red energy is radiating from Chainy's hands. Zeke has started to walk away, levitating The Chair with a beam from his third eye.]]
Chainy: Pharmathrax said The Chair would be mine.
Zeke: Ha! Tell you what, You can be the Chair of getting eaten by a dragon. The star we we're orbiting just collapsed into a wyrm-hole. So, you know, have fun with that.

[[Zeke is now sitting in The Chair, atop the ghoulified killer whale. He's lifting zombified Mendelev up with a beam from his third eye.]]
Zeke: Come on Mendelev, you can steer the Whale-Ghoul back to Necronomicorp!

[[Winda has just finished helping Abraxus into his robes. Abraxas is still lying on the floor.]]
Abraxas: I hope you used protection.

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #149: Blown Cover

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #149: Blown Cover

[[Chainy and Abraxus, still looking like Coeila, are facing off with Zeke and Ghoulified Mendelev. Zeke is levitating The Chair with a beam from the third eye in his forehead.]]
Zeke: Hey cool! This is Ereshkigal's telekinetic eye!
Chainy: I don't like this, Coelia. Pharmathrax told me I would control The Chair.

[[Abraxus is looking a bit uncomfortable.]]
Zeke: This is so schway! I won't be needing dumb ol' arms anymore!
Chainy: We may need to act quickly to claim The Chair. I know I can count on you because, as a demon you are under my complete control.
Abraxus: Yes, my Master. You can trust me. Can I borrow your soulstone?

[[Winda has come up behind Abraxus, carrying his robes. Chainy is so pissed off he's seeing red.]]
Winda: Hi Abraxas! I finished drying your robes for you just like Sousin asked!
Chainy: Abraxus?

[[A much wider shot allows us to see the multitude of other characters standing around as Abraxus shouts at the top of his lungs.]]
Abraxus: OH FRAK EVERYTHING!

[[Abraxus has his hands over his mouth and an "oh shit!" look on his face.]]

[[Black panel with the brand from Coeila's forehead shown in red.]]
Narrator: The following scenes were too graphic to include in this comic because my parents read this.

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #148: Ptoo!

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #148: Ptoo!

[[Inside the pirate ship Maugris, Abraxas, and some zombie pirates are facing off against the usurpers of Necronomicorp (played here by Chainy and Gringeldt).]]
Abraxas: ZOMBIE SPACE PIRATES ATTACK!
Slightly Disabled Zombie Space Pirates: GRAAAAGH! MRRRRH!

[[Gringeldt has pulled out a Big Fucking Gun and is shooting the zombies.]]
<<BFG!>>

[[Chainy, carrying The Chair, and Abraxus, still looking like Coeila, have arrived behind Gringeldt.]]
Chainy: The Chair is mine! Gringeldt, make sure we aren't troubled by any more undead nuisances.
Gringeldt: Yes sir!
<<CRASH!>>

[[A huge zombie killer whale with bone legs has arrived behind everyone!]]
Zombie Whale: GRAAAAAAAGH!
Other People: WHAT THE FRELL IS THAT?

[[The zombie whale barfs up Zeke the Christmas ghoul and a zombified Mendelev in a shower of blood.]]
<<PTOO>>

[[Zeke has grabbed the chair from Chainy with some sort of beam of magical force from a third eye on his forehead. Is that Ereshkigal's eye?]]
Chainy: The Xmas Ghoul? What are you doing here?
Zeke: Pharmathrax sent me to repossess your furniture, and these two chaps were kind enough to give me a lift through the cold vacuum of space, after I helped them into undeath. This skull guy is good at steering.
Zombie Mendelev: I herd the whale of the banshee.

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #147: Just like in Oregon Trail

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #147: Just like in Oregon Trail

[[The green hover car containing Buttons, the red and black robot, Liu-xi, and one of the shao-lin monkey bouncers has reached the moat around Kaimera Corp building. The huge gray building looms over them.]]
Robot: OKAY I'VE TAKEN YOU TO KAIMAERA CORP'S NIBELHEIM HEADQUARTERS. CAN I GO NOW?
Buttons: No! Mr. Von Feasty told you to take us inside so we could tell them we have a hostage.

[[Closer shot of just the hover car and the edge of the moat.]]
Robot: LOOK YOU DON'T WANT TO CROSS KAIMAERA LIKE THIS. YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BE HUNG LIKE A HORSE
Shao-lin Monkey: Why would they...

[[A dead sea horse is hanging from one of the battlements of the building.]]
Shao-lin Monkey: Oh.
Robot: THE DEAD SEA HORSE IS A WARNING. THEY'VE INSTALLED A MONSTER FILLED MOAT AROUND THE SHIP.

[[Looking back at the hover car, the Monkey people and Buttons are looking a bit uneasy.]]
Liu-xi: Hmm. The hover car isn't really designed to hover over water. There's no magnetic track. But it is light enough. We could probably paddle it across.

[[The robot has extended his legs to stand up out of his seat. He's about twice as tall as Buttons now.]]
Robot: I HAVE EXTENSOMATIC LEGS. I CAN CARRY YOU ACROSS ONE A TIME

Buttons: Looks like we're going to have to make a decision. Row versus wade.

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #146: They're Called Spoonerisms

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #146: They're Called Spoonerisms

[[Maugris and Abraxas are facing off against Abraxus, who still looks like Coelia, Sousin, and the demonic form of Ashfield?]]
Abraxus: Just what in the frell did you to do our father's company Abraxas?! How could you let it be controlled by Chainy and merge with those jerks at BinStar!
Abraxas: Don't threaten me with the corrupted soul of my dead friend Abraxas!
Sousin: <<wash>> <<wash>> <<wash>>

[[Chainy and Gringeldt have joined the group. They seem relatively happy to see "Coelia".]]
Chainy: Ah, excellent work Coelia! I see you've captured the fugitives as well as recovered the NecroStar employees they took hostage!
Abraxus, looking confused: Yes. That is exactly what I did.

Abraxus: I've trapped them in an invisible force-cage, so there's no need for you to tie them up or anything.
Chainy: Yay!

[[Rupert, Higgins, and Ngphth are still in the same area as well. Rupert is still holding Skully's skull.]]
Higgins: I do not want to go back to work for these people!
Rupert: Hey Higgins, did you ever notice how sometime you can switch around the first letters in two words and it makes two different words?

Rupert: Like "I'm all sweaty, I'm going to go shake a tower." Or like, "Lets watch a video tonight! I'll go out and get some cop porn!"
Rupert: That one's my favorite.

Higgins: You are seven idiots.

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #145: Boring History Lessons

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #145: Boring History Lessons

[[Phydeaux, the Hierophant, Lucas, Amputar, and Han are clinging to each other as the pressure tries to suck them out of the open airlock! Amputar is hanging onto Han's foot as Han tries to reach the switch by the airlock door.]]
Amputar: Han! Hold on!
Han: I've almost got the switch!

[[Han is leaning against the now switched switch. The airlock door is closed and everyone is sitting or lying on the ground.]]
Lucas: I thought you two were mortal enemies!
Amputar: Of course not! We're brothers!

[[Amputar and Han are standing together amicably, talking to the Hierophant, Lucas, and Therin. Lucas looks very confused.]]
Lucas: But you've been trying to kill each other!
Amputar: That's just normal sibling rivalry.

[[Lucas is getting even more agitated.]]
Lucas: But he's a were-bear!
Amputar: Yeah, but that's not his fault.
Therin: How did you get to be a were-bear then, Han? I thought you were just an evil Shaman?

[[In the woods somewhere Amputar and a human looking Han face off against a huge boar-like creature with giant tusks. Both of them have some sort of energy swords and wear typical shirtless barbarian attire.]]
Amputar, in the narrator voice: Well, it all started when our tribe was hunting boars in the Nibelheim Game Preserve.
Flashback-Amputar: Han! Lookout that's a were-boar!

[[The were-boar has stabbed Han's arm with it's giant tusks.]]
Flashback-Han: Arg! Ow! Ow! My DNA! My Doctor told me I'm not supposed to get evil magical viruses in it!
Flashback-Amputar: HAN!

[[Back in BinStar and the present, Lucas looks a bit less upset.]]
Therin: Wait, what? Then why aren't you a were-boar?
Amputar: That was a flashback.

Therin: So?
Han: So we were just speaking in the past-tense.

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #144: Make Like a Tree and Disbelieve

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #144: Make Like a Tree and Disbelieve

[[Gibson, Tim, Skatha, and the spirit of Neuton are facing off against Taphthartharath's Uranium elemental. Tim and Skatha are both casting spells. Tim's spell is forming a blue bubble around the heros and Skatha's spell seems to be causing glowing green runes to float in the air. Unperturbed, Gibson is walking resolutely up to the elemental.]]
Tim: Gibson! Help me maintain a magnetic shield before we die of radiation poisoning!

[[Gibson has marched right up to Taphthartharath and the elemental. He looks pretty pissed. The elemental appears to be confused.]]
Gibson: Alright Taphthartharath, knock it off!

[[Behind the bubble, the others also look confused.]]
Skatha: Gibson, what are you doing? The radiation!

Gibson from panel 2: It's not a real Uranium Elemental! It's an illusion! Just look at how poorly drawn it is!
[[Taphthartharath is decidedly non-plussed as the elemental disappears in a puff of smoke.]]
<<DISBELIEVE!>>
Taphthartharath: Smeg!
Gibson: Hey! You get back here! You're supposed to give us free pie if we pass your test!

[[Skatha's Hind spirit is drifting through a doorway flanked by gray columns.]]
Narrator: Soon...
Hind: He went in here!

[[Gibson, Skatha, and Tim are walking between the columns. Their light source, Tim's hand, seems a tad feeble.]]
Skatha: Schway! Look at all the gorgeous pillars! They're even prettier than the ones at the Mall of Moria!
Gibson: Come on! First the giant spider, then the uranium elemental, and now this? It's clearly an Illusion Terrain spell. There aren't really any pillars here!

[[The pillars all vanish in puffs of smoke and Taphthartharath is revealed.]]
<<DISBELIEVE>>
<<DISBELIEVE>>
<<DISBELIEVE>>
Gibson, to Taphthartharath: Ha! Found you!

[[Tim has quickly raised a shield as the air is filled with an ominous rumbling and rocks begin to fall from the ceiling.]]
Gibson: What's happening? The ceiling is collapsing!
Taphthartharath: You idiot! Those were load-bearing illusions!

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #143: Silly Sod

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #143: Silly Sod

[[Abraxas, Burnie, and Abraxus, in his new female body, are standing next to Peat, who has some grass and a flower growing on his head. Peat is addressing Abraxus.]]
Peat: Don't feel bad, Master. I recently soiled myself too.

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #142: Giant Spider Invasion

Nerdcore: The Core Wars --- #142: Giant Spider Invasion

[[Skatha, Tim, Gibson, and Neuton are still talking to Taphthartharath. Neuton has the dark gray chest, which previously contained Sterling, under one arm. I'm not clear on how he can hold it since he's a body-less spirit.]]
Gibson: I guess we'll be going now. Nice meeting you.
Taphthartharath: Wait a minute, you haven't completed the trial yet!

[[Taphthartharath has closed his main eye and one of his smaller eyes is shooting a yellow cone of magic around a foot long spider on the floor. Tim is looking a bit annoyed by this turn of events.]]
Taphthartharath: Since I can't find the Misplacer Beast, I'll just enlarge this spider and you can fight that.
Tim: What?

[[Both Tim and Skatha are charging up magical effects of some sort. The red spider which is facing off with them is now about 9 or 10 feet tall. Tim is still annoyed, but Gibson looks practically irate.]]
Tim: Skatha, if you can hold it back, I'll finish it off with lightning.
Skatha: Okay.
Gibson: Wait a minute! You can't just enlarge a spider like that!

[[The party has turned to face Taphthartharath, who still has his main eye closed. Skatha and Tim are looking a bit confused by Gibson's outburst.]]
Taphthartharath: Sure I can, Beholders don't all have the same types of spell-like abilities. That's a stereotype!
Gibson: No, I mean, haven't you heard of the square-cube law? When you increase the size of a creature, the cross-section of its muscles and exoskeleton increase by the square of the scale, while its mass increases by the cube. When a spider gets to be this big, it isn't strong enough to support its weight!

[[Gibson has moved up next to Taphthartharath to argue with him. Taphthartharath has opened his main eye. He looks pissed.]]
Gibson: Not to mention I'm skeptical that you can come up with the requisite energy to actually increase the mass of that little spider by this much.
Taphthartharath: I didn't increase its mass, I just decreased its density. I increased the spaces between its particles.

[[Gibson is now holding the giant spider in one hand to prove his point.]]
Gibson: So you came up with enough energy to overcome the weak nuclear force? Sure that's much more believable.
Gibson: Anyway, if all you did was decrease its density, it should still weigh the same. I could kill it by blowing on it. That's hardly a challenge for your corporate team-building exercise!

[[A green ray of light is shooting out from one of Taphthartharath's small eyes and a large gray round creature with a radiation symbol on it's forehead has appeared at the end of the beam.]]
Taphthartharath: Alright, fine, you can fight this Uranium Elemental, is that better?

[[Tim and Gibson are standing next to the elemental, which is still glowing with a green halo of light. Tim is pissed, but Gibson seems much happier now.]]
Tim: Thanks a lot Gibson.
Gibson: You're welcome.