District Beats - latest additions

Anti "War" Protest

Anti "War" Protest
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The Anti-Cheese, Save the Arctic Squirrel, Stop Lucasfilm from Ruining the Classics, Black Power, Anti-War Protest.

Cardinal Franzi

Cardinal Franzi
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Cardinal Franzi: My Church is very upset about the war you've started, Senator Jimbo.

Senator Jimbo: Thats not why I called you, you eminence. I need your help with my falling approval ratings.

Senator Jimbo: I was hoping you could speak with the big guy upstairs.

Cardinal Franzi: Are you asking me to negotiate with God to help you get votes?!

Senator Jimbo: We're gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

la Resistencia

la Resistencia
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info: militia member battles a tank with a Molotov cocktail.

News Anchor: "Today, Senator Jimbo held a press conference celebrating what he called "indisputable progress" in the war in PG county."
News Anchor: "Ground forces delivered a huge blow to the enemy militia, robbing them of precious flammable liquids, and blocking passes with destroyed tanks and other expensive equipment."

Who You Calling a Franchise?!

Who You Calling a Franchise?!
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Television News Report: We interrupt this live coverage of the war to bring you important news of this week's "Who Wants to be a Superstar?" finalists. Pick up your phone now, and vote for your favorite singer, moving them to the next round.

Guy singing on TV: Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...

Kenny: Dang! That boy's got talent! Give me your phone, I'm going to vote for him.

Kenny: Residents of the District of Columbia aren't allowed to vote.
Janis: NOW I feel disenfranchised.

Kenny's New Apartment

Kenny's New Apartment
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info: Kenny's new apartment.

info: Modern appliances.

info: Designer Furniture.

info: 7.1 Channel, fiber optic, true color Ultra High Definition flat panel plasma television.

Two Gun Minimum - District Beats WebComic

Two Gun Minimum - District Beats WebComic
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Omniscient Voice: As the thunder of dropping bombs begins to fade...
Omniscient Voice: Ground troops gather on the border. Dust and ash settles over PG County.
Omniscient Voice: Tired and confused, residents begin to crawl from their shelters. From restaurant freezers, underground strip clubs, and department store warehouses...
Omniscient Voice: They emerge. Looking for answers, direction, for a leader.

Suzy: What do we do, Miranda?
Miranda: We need to buy guns! Lots of 'em. Do you have a license?
Suzy: No.

Miranda: Then we'll have to take a quick trip to... Virginia!

District Beats WebComic - Attack on PG County

District Beats WebComic - Attack on PG County
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[[info: One five dollar cup of coffee later...]]
Television Broadcast:Our top story... The U.S. Military launched a surprise attack on Prince George's County, Maryland, this morning, in response to yesterday's terrorist prank, aimed at Senator Jimbo, resulting in the amputation of both of the Senator's index fingers...
Janis:Whoah... I seriously need to up the dose on my medication.

Embedded TV News Reporter: The Military, using intelligence detailing the location of illegal immigrant terrorist cells in PG County, responded with precision, pin-point, blanket bombing attacks on this suburban haven of evil...

Embedded TV News Reporter: In related news, as you can see from the traffic cam, traffic is at a virtual standstill on the Beltway, outer loop, this morning, what our traffic man Bill Billings is calling "Shock and Awe Rubbernecking."

District Beats WebComic - There Will Be Coffee

District Beats WebComic - There Will Be Coffee
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[[Janis runs into Kenneth on the street, in front of the Coffee Shop]]

Janis: Hey there, Kenneth!
Kenny: Oh... Hi Janis.

Janis: I haven't seen you in a while. Did you get that new apartment?

Kenny: Yeah! Its great. 150 square feet, only $4500 a month.

Janis: Wow! You really lucked out with that one. You want to get a coffee?

Kenny: Umm... I'm a little short. (searching for change in his pockets) Just paid my rent.

Kenny: Hey Buddy. Spare some change? Help a guy get a warm cup of coffee??

District Beats WebComic - Chinese Finger Trap

District Beats WebComic - Chinese Finger Trap
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[info: Senator Jimbo's Office.]
Letter to the Senator: "Dear Senator Jimbo, I recently immigrated to this great country, and would like to set up a meeting with you.
Please accept this gift from my home country, what you would call...
a “Chinese Finger-Trap.” Mr. Xin Zing, PG County, MD"

Senator Jimbo: "Chinese Finger Trap, huh? Ummm... Miss Q.? A little help, here. "
Senator Jimbo: "MISS Q.!"(shouting)

[info: The Senator's Favorite Strip Club]
News Announcer (from television in the background): In tody’s news... The Stock Market crashed, after a terrorist attack aimed at Senator Jimbo.
News Announcer (from television in the background): Sources close to the Senator say the attack was perpetrated by a group of illegal immigrant terrorists.
News Announcer (from television in the background): Back to financial news.. stocks are flying high in midday trading, a move economists attribute to lack of short-term memory.

District Beats - Hurry Up and Do Nothing

District Beats - Hurry Up and Do Nothing
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Kenneth: I'm late for work!

Kenneth: Phew. (sighs as he reaches his cubicle)

Info: One hour later.

Info: ...Another hour

Info: ...And another

Kenneth: (looking at his watch) Oh... I'm late for my coffee break!